


Camelot C.V.I. - Grade 12

by safetytardis (my_mad_fatuation)



Series: Camelot C.V.I [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-01-25
Updated: 2010-01-25
Packaged: 2018-07-14 17:45:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 25,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7183871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_mad_fatuation/pseuds/safetytardis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Having just moved to the town of Camelot, Merlin starts his graduating year at a new high school, Camelot Collegiate Vocational Institute, where music has been removed from the curriculum and banned from the school entirely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Counsellor's Call

**Author's Note:**

> I am sorry. I am so sorry. Basically, this just started because I was bitching about how I don't usually like the idea of modern-day AU stories, and how a modern-day AU in a high school would pretty much kill me (unless it was, like, the crackiest of crack), then I had a dream where Arthur was Student Council President at my old high school and was selling tickets to Grad Formal, and so I HAD to write it. I basically am writing a chapter for each episode of the show, though there are only a few so far. We'll see if I ever finish the first series.  
> Also note, it is set in Canada, because I don't understand the British school system, but an AU of Canada where there's places called Camelot and the like.

"Honestly, Merlin," his mother said to him in her motherly way as she walked through the kitchen to find him sitting at the table eating a mixing bowl's worth of Corn Pops for breakfast, "I don't know how you do it."

                  Merlin shrugged, hunching over his food as if his spine hadn't yet woken up for the day.

                  "Jesus Christ, where are my goddamn keys?" she continued, rifling through a pile of junk mail on the counter.

                  "Jesus Christ, mom, did you check your goddamn purse?" Merlin replied sarcastically.

                  His mother sighed and began to pull the curlers out of her hair. "I don't have time for this, Merlin."

                  "Try the bathroom counter next to the soap."

                  She turned, accidentally dropping one of the curlers from her hand, and hurried over to the bathroom. Her stocking feet slid on the linoleum floor.

                  "How do you always know this?" she called from the other room.

                  "I dunno, magic?"

                  She walked back through the kitchen, removing the final curler from her hair, and said, "Well, if you want a ride to school, Merlin, we have to leave about five minutes ago, so get moving."

                  "I think I'm just going to walk," he answered, though by this point his mother was already at the front door of the apartment, putting on her shoes.

                  "Okay, well, don't be late, and have a good first day. Love you, bye, hun!" she called back to him, the door slamming shut behind her.

***

                  As he approached Camelot Collegiate Vocational Institute for the first time, Merlin suddenly felt very small. It wasn't just the fact that it was about five times the size of his high school back in Ealdor – he sometimes wondered why he always seemed to live in the most Welsh-sounding towns in Ontario – or even that three of the guys standing by the entrance to the school were collectively seven times _his_ size.

                  _I bet_ , he thought to himself, _it's because the building looks like a fucking castle._

                  Anybody with the most basic knowledge of feudal times would realize that it did not, in fact, resemble a castle at all, except that it had a couple of turrets, but they were mainly decorative. It would be absolutely useless for defending against any sort of attack. The aesthetic choice, Merlin assumed, was probably because some architect thought it would be clever.

                  _"Get it? It's a castle! Cause it's in_ Camelot _! GET IT?"_

***

                  Merlin found his first period classroom after asking for directions twice and walking into the wrong room three times. He had just about reached his public embarrassment threshold for the day, and prayed that this fourth room would be the right one, even though he was an atheist.

                  "Can we help you?" the man at the front of the class asked as Merlin burst in.

                  "Is this," he began, looking around the room and noticing all the science workbenches, and the students seated at them who were staring, "the 4U Music class...?"

                  Everybody laughed.

                  "This is Chemistry 4M," the man replied.

                  _FML!_ thought Merlin.

                  "All Music courses have been replaced with Chemistry this year, I'm afraid," he continued before Merlin could run off and cry in a bathroom stall. He looked down at the attendance folder in front of him. "You must be...Melrin?"

                  "Merlin."

                  The man squinted at the list again. "Ah, yes, you're right, I'm sorry. I've forgotten my reading glasses, it seems, so today's class should be quite interesting. Have a seat."

                  Merlin quickly sat in the closest available spot he could find, which, unfortunately for him, was not underneath a very large rock.

                  "Merlin?" said the girl next to him as he sat down. "That's a funny name. Merlin. Mer-Lin." She smiled to herself before quickly adding, "Oh, I didn't mean funny in a bad way or anything, I mean, it's a very nice name, it's just a bit unusual, but that's a good thing, it's a good name, I wasn't trying to say—"

                  "It's okay, I get it," Merlin said, " _Merlin in Camelot_. The humour hasn't completely escaped me."

                  The girl looked at him quizzically. "I don't—Is that a joke? I'm sorry, I don't get it."

                  "My name is _Merlin_ ," he expanded, "and I'm living in _Camelot_. You know, like the famous wizard? King Arthur stuff? Yes, no?"

                  "Sorry," the girl smiled meekly. "I'm not really into sci-fi."

                  "It's _fantasy_ , not sci-fi," he corrected her quickly, "and he's like the wizard of all wizards!" He took a deep breath. "It's okay, it's not a big deal."

                  "Well, it's nice to meet you, anyway, Merlin," she continued awkwardly. "I'm Gwen."

                  "Yeah, nice to meet you t—Wait, Gwen? Like Guinevere? Like _Queen Guinevere_? Come on!"

                  Gwen blinked.

                  "You're not joking are you?"

                  Gwen laughed. "You're strange, Merlin. I mean, strange in a good way, I mean, I like you—I mean, I like strange, it's—"

                  Merlin smiled for the first time all morning. "It's alright, you're strange too."

***

                  At the end of his first class – the first twenty-five minutes of which was spent trying to properly set up the overhead projector, and the last fifty minutes of which was spent trying to decipher the handwritten notes on the chalkboard when the projector simply wouldn't work – Merlin went up to the Chemistry teacher to ask why the Music classes had been switched.

                  "Change in the curriculum, I suspect," he answered. "Though I really wish it hadn't, because I don't know the first thing about chemistry, to tell you the truth."

                  "Who decided to change it in the first place? Seems a bit ridiculous, if you ask me."

                  "Principal Pendragon himself."

                  "That doesn't seem fair. Does he even have that authority?"

                  "Attention students," boomed a voice over the PA system. "This is your principal speaking. The morning break has been eliminated. Please proceed to your second period classes _immediately_. Any students found in the hallways after the bell will be punished to the full extent of my power." The voice stopped and the bell rang. The students in the hall dashed off towards their classes frantically.

                  "You'd better get to class, Merlin."

                  "Oh, uh, yes, thank you, Mr. ..." He stared intently at the teacher's name on the board, though the writing was completely illegible.

                  "Mr. Gaius," said Mr. Gaius.

                  "Yes, right, thanks," Merlin said quickly before heading out into the suddenly deserted hallway.

***

                  He fumbled with his schedule in his hands as he walked down the hall in an arbitrary direction, since he still had no idea where he was going. "How can room 234 be on the _main floor_?" he muttered to himself. "Where the hell is 107, then?"

                  This, however, meant he was too preoccupied to notice that he was about to walk into someone who in turn was too preoccupied by his own reflection in the window. It was only a momentary lapse in narcissism which allowed that person to sidestep Merlin, narrowly avoiding collision.

                  "Watch it there, bro," the guy said to him, turning on his heel.

                  "Oh, sorry," Merlin mumbled, barely glancing over his shoulder at him.

                  The guy seemed a little taken aback by this reaction and began to follow him. "You shouldn't even be in the hallway, you know."

                  "What are you, like, Hall Monitor?"

                  He snorted. "You're new, aren't you?" He stepped in front of Merlin to keep him from walking away. "Here's a bit of advice for you: Choose your friends wisely," he told him seriously, then smirked.

                  Merlin stared at him incredulously. _Who does this guy think he is, the king of England?_

                  "Thanks," he finally replied, edging his way past the guy so he could continue searching for this classroom which may or may not exist.

***

                  After ten more minutes of searching, Merlin finally found room 107 – in the basement – and stopped in front of the door. He pulled out his cell phone to check the time. He was almost fifteen minutes late, and worried about making yet another bad impression. Trying to open the door as quietly as possible, he hoped it was at the back of the room so he could slip in relatively undetected.

                  With his luck, of course, he walked right into the front of the classroom, and thirty pairs of eyes swivelled towards him. His feet went numb as all the blood rushed to his face and he felt like a tube of toothpaste.

                  He quickly located an empty seat and sat in it before too much more attention could be drawn to him, keeping his head down.

                  "Vous êtes en retard," the teacher said to him.

                  He looked up, startled. "What?"

                  "You're late," she repeated. She picked up her attendance folder. "What's your name?"

                  The thirty pairs of eyes swivelled towards him again, this time at the back of the room.

                  "M-Merlin," he replied nervously. He was suddenly aware that all the other students looked about three years younger than him, and worried he was in the wrong place again. All the other students except one.

_Unbelievable_ , he thought when he noticed that the guy who had stopped him in the hallway was currently sitting on the other side of the room.

                  " _Merlin_?" the guy scoffed.

                  "Arthur, really," the teacher sighed as she checked Merlin's name off the list. "I expect a little more maturity from you than from these little niners."

                  _Unbelievable!_ he thought again, realizing that this guy's name was Arthur.

                  _Unbelievable!_ thought the little niners upon hearing their teacher refer to them as such.

                  "I'll be an angel, I swear," Arthur replied before shooting another glance back at Merlin and stifling a laugh.

                  "I'll believe that when I see it."

***

                  The lunch bell rang, which gave Merlin the chance to find his locker. Since he had missed locker assignments in first period, he ended up with some random locker down the Tech hall. After going around in a circle a couple of times, he finally found the right hallway and turned onto it, his pace slowing dramatically as he looked up.

                  Decrepit, rust-eaten lockers lined the hallway, the monotony of which was only broken by sporadic clusters of students with dyed hair and lip rings, dressed in black leather and lace, all turning and watching him as he walked past. He tried to avoid eye contact.

                  He found his locker at the very end, having jumped over some people who were lying in the middle of the hall, and ducked to avoid getting hit in the head with a giant wad of clay that a couple were throwing back and forth. He opened it and began putting his stuff inside before noticing that there was a large hole in the side that connected it to the adjacent locker. He stared at the hole for a moment, bemused, when a girl appeared next to him and opened the other locker.

                  "Bummer, isn't it," she said, startling him.

                  "What, oh, uh, I don't, uh—" Merlin began, completely shaken. "This is just the locker I was assigned!"

                  "It's alright," she added, sticking a textbook in one of the upper shelves. "We'll just make a pact not to steal each other's stuff, right?" She closed the door and then extended her hand to him to make it official.

                  He shook it uncertainly. "Right." Then, trying to remember how to interact with other human beings, he added, "I'm Merlin."

                  "Morgana," the girl said in reply.

***

                  "Merlin!"

                  Merlin turned to see Gwen calling him from the doorway of a classroom he had just walked past. He had decided to spend his lunch hour tracking down where all his classes were, and figuring out the quickest routes to travel between them.

                  "Come have lunch with us," she said, motioning for him to come in. "I mean, if you want to, if you don't have anywhere else to be, because you might, and I wouldn't want to stop you—"

                  "Okay," he laughed and headed back over to her. He followed her into the room and saw about half a dozen other people sitting in a little group. "What is this?"

                  "It's the Gay-Straight Alliance," Gwen explained. "We meet every Tuesday at lunch."

                  Merlin stopped. "Is it that obvious?" he added quietly.

                  "Well, yeah, kind of," she said frankly. "But, I mean, I didn't mean to imply—I mean, inviting you in, it's just 'cause, well, I thought you might not have any friends to have lunch with yet, I wasn't trying to say—I mean, it's a Gay- _Straight_ Alliance, so it doesn't matter if you're—I mean, it's alright if you want to leave, I wasn't trying to assume—"

                  "Alright, Gwen, I get it."

                  They sat down and Gwen asked him how he liked the school so far while they waited for more people to arrive.

                  "And it turns out that he's in my French class, which is apparently a Grade Nine class, which nobody told me about!" he ranted.

                  "Arthur's in a Grade Nine French class?" Gwen tittered. "Priceless."

                  "Uh, so am I."

                  "Right, well, I mean, it's not _that_ funny."

                  "Anyway, to top it all off, my locker is down at the end of this hallway full of punks and Goths and cosplayers or something—"

                  "The Tech hall? Yikes."

                  "Yeah, and my locker has this gaping hole in it so it's like I have to share it with this weird girl who wears fairy wings and a black tutu—"

                  "Morgana?"

                  "Yeah. You know her?"

                  "We were like best friends in Grade Ten, and then she started hanging out with the Tech hall kids, so we don't see each other much at school anymore," Gwen explained wistfully. "Anyway, that's so random!"

                  "I guess," said Merlin.

***

                  Merlin made it through Math and English in the afternoon without too much trouble and headed back to his locker at the end of the day to gather up his stuff. He stopped just before the end of the hallway when he saw a couple of people bickering in front of his locker.

                  _Of course_ , he thought, rolling his eyes, _Arthur and Morgana! It's so obvious! This place is way too literal._

                  He inhaled sharply and made a beeline for his locker, hoping he could just ignore the two of them out of existence.

                  "Dad said I could have the car this afternoon!" he heard Arthur argue.

                  "It's _my_ car, and he's not even _my_ dad!" Morgana argued back.

                  "I can't believe you won't let me borrow your car while mine's in the shop. You're really that petty?"

                  "Like I really trust you with my car after you _crashed_ yours."

                  "I told you, Leon was driving—" He stopped when he got smacked in the shoulder by Merlin's locker door. "Hey, watch it, guy!"

                  Morgana pulled Arthur out of Merlin's way. "Sorry, Erwin," she apologized, "Arthur doesn't mean to be such an asshole, it just comes naturally to him."

                  "Uh, it's Merlin," Merlin corrected her, then wished he hadn't.

                  Arthur's head snapped around to face him. "Ah, _Merlin_."

                  Merlin winced as Arthur slapped him on the back.

                  "I've got an idea," Arthur continued proudly, "why don't _you_ drive my wonderful step-sister home, so I can take the car to hockey practice. Who knows, maybe the two of you will hit it off. Sound good?"

                  "Uh, I don't drive," Merlin managed to say, trying to wrap his mind around everything that was entirely wrong with that suggestion.

                  "Leave him alone, Arthur," Morgana said, picking up her bag and swinging in over her shoulder. "Why don't you get Leon to drive you to practice, anyway?"

                  "Did you not hear the part about how he crashed my car?" Arthur replied as she began to walk away. He turned to Merlin and added, "Can you believe she actually used to be _nice_?"

                  "I can still hear you!"

                  "So," Arthur continued, ignoring her, "this is what it's like not to have your own car. Must suck for you, bro."

                  "Not really, _bro_ ," Merlin replied, shoving his binder into his bag irritably.

                  Arthur picked up his giant hockey back and added, "Well, good luck, Merlin. See you in French." He gave Merlin a punch in the arm before exiting through doors that had written across them "DO NOT USE" in big red letters.

                  _What a tool_.

***

                  "You're here early today," Mr. Gaius said the next day as he walked into the classroom to find Merlin already sitting at one of the workbenches. "Or maybe I'm just extremely late," he added, scrutinizing his pocket watch.

                  "Believe me, if you were, you'd know."

                  "Good point," he replied as he dropped the Chemistry textbook down on his desk with a _thunk_. He opened it to the first chapter. "Now," he added, "what on Earth is _enthalpy_?"

                  Merlin laughed. "I have no idea, I thought I had signed up for Music."

                  "Ah, so did I," Mr. Gaius sighed. "I'm much better at teaching scales and key signatures than the periodic table, certainly."

                  "Couldn't you start up a music club or something?"

                  "Oh, no, all music has been banned from the school."

                  "What? Seriously?"

                  "Principal Pendragon sees all music as a distraction from true academic endeavours," Mr. Gaius explained.

                  Noisy students began to fill the room after the morning bell, and Merlin was left puzzled about how anyone could come to that sort of conclusion.

                  "Sup?" said Gwen jovially as she took a seat next to him. "Er, was that too lame? I was trying to do like an ironically outdated slang thing, but it ended up sounding sincere, which just made it stupid, and now I wish I hadn't said anything and—"

                  "Not much, _bra_ ," Merlin replied, attempting his best Arthur impression.

                  Gwen laughed. "You know, I'm so glad you don't really talk like that, you have no idea!"

                  "Nah, this is for reals, bra. Represent."

***

                  "Sup, bro?" said Arthur jovially as he took a seat next to Merlin, who appeared entirely unhappy to see him.

                  "Not much, bro," Merlin replied, his eyes wide in disbelief as he stared down at his French textbook.

                  "Say, you don't happen to have, like, mad skills in French, do you?" Arthur asked after a pause.

                  "I wouldn't really be in this class if I did, would I?" Merlin responded tersely.

                  "True say, true say."

                  Merlin rolled his eyes.

                  "I just thought 'Merlin' was like a French name or something," Arthur added.

                  "It's actually something like Welsh, I think," Merlin corrected, "but I don't speak that either."

                  "That'd be pretty ballin' if you did, though, right? Welsh is like fucked up."

                  "Monsieur Pendragon," said the teacher from the front of the room, looking up from her tabloid magazine to glare at him. "Langage!"

                  "Pardon my French!" he said as way of apology, then snickered to himself. "Hah, get it? French," he added to Merlin, who was too shocked to notice.

                  "Did, she just call you Mr. Pendragon?" he asked incredulously.

                  "Pretty sick name, right?" Arthur grinned.

                  "As in Principal Pendragon?" Merlin wasn't even going to mention Arthurian legend at this point, because he was afraid his brain might crack if he tried.

                  "Yeah, he's my dad," Arthur replied bluntly. "So?"

                  "It's just...just _so_ perfect, isn't it?" Merlin muttered, mostly to himself.

                  Arthur frowned. "Is that bad?"

***

                  Merlin somehow ended up getting lost again on his way back to his locker at lunch, but ended up passing by a room he hadn't noticed before: The Guidance office. He wasn't quite sure why, but he suddenly felt the impulse to go in.

                  The secretary had left a sign on her desk indicating that she was on lunch – or more specifically, to GO AWAY – but Merlin could see that one of the guidance counsellors' office doors was left slightly ajar. Still feeling impulsive, he approached the door cautiously and peeked inside.

                  The man sitting at his desk looked up when he heard the door creek and fixed Merlin with a harsh stare. "Come in," he said seriously.

                  "Oh, I, uh, I didn't mean to interrupt, I was just, I was," Merlin stammered, "I was just going to see if I could make an appointment—"

                  "What for?" the man asked, setting down the book he was reading and leaning back in his chair, arms folded.

                  "Just about, uh, switching to a different, um, French class, possibly," Merlin replied, sitting down uncertainly in the seat that the man was motioning towards.

                  "And why might you want to do this?"

                  "Uh, well Mr., uh, K-Keil-Guerra," Merlin began, reading off the name plate on the desk, "I just, uh, I just thought maybe there was another French class that might be, uh, more my level...?"

                  Mr. Keil-Guerra leaned forward and folded his hands together, elbows resting on his desk. "I'm sorry, Merlin, but I'm afraid this is the only French class for which you are qualified."

                  "H-how did you know—"

                  "I have the feeling that your level of French is not the real problem here, is it?"

                  "Uh, well, you know, it's kind of weird being in a class with a bunch of fourteen-year-olds," Merlin offered, only half-lying.

                  Mr. Keil-Guerra stared him down.

                  "Arthur Pendragon is, like, the most obnoxious person in the universe!" Merlin finally blurted, a little surprised by his own outburst.

                  "I see, so you feel threatened taking a course with the Student Council President because you're afraid you can't compete—"

                  "He's Student Council President?! That's just wonderful!"

                  "Merlin," Mr. Keil-Guerra started again, his tone softening a little, "this is one of those problems that you can't run away from. You're going to have to learn to get along with Arthur and work with him to get through your differences. You're both graduating this year, and I think you'll find that working together will make you both much more successful in the long run."

                  _Is this guy on crack?_ Merlin thought to himself as he nodded sceptically.

***

                  "I'm sorry, I thought you knew," Gwen said as she walked with Merlin to his locker at the end of the day.

                  "It's not surprising, I guess," he went on, "but at _my_ school, the Student Council President was _likeable_ at least."

                  "Oh, well, Arthur's not _so_ bad, really," she replied, trying to hide the hint of a smile, quickly adding, "but he totally needs to be taken down a notch or two." She boxed with the air in front of her.

                  "I wouldn't mind giving him one, myself," Merlin said seriously.

                  "I bet you wouldn't!" Gwen teased, giggling madly, giving him a small shove.

                  Merlin gaped. "You're horrible, you know that?" he laughed.

                  "Believe me, she's the worst," said Morgana, breezing past them to her locker. She looked back over her shoulder and smiled to indicate she was joking. "So, are you two, like...you know?" she asked, pointing at them.

                  Merlin and Gwen exchanged glances before answering in unison, "We're just friends!"

                  Morgana laughed. "I was joking. It's pretty obvious that, well, you know." She paused to take some books out of her bag and put some other ones in. "Oh!" she added, suddenly turning to face them again. "Did you guys hear about the kid who got expelled today?"

                  "Uh, no," said Merlin, who was a little surprised that she was even speaking to him, but assumed she was only being this conversational because she had been friends with Gwen.

                  "You mean that Collins kid?" Gwen asked.

                  "Yeah," Morgana replied solemnly, clearly a little distressed by this news, "he got told off for bringing his guitar to school yesterday, but then he brought it again today and started playing in the halls at lunch time! He was just roaming through the school with it!"

                  "Wait, he got expelled for that?" Merlin was in disbelief.

                  "The principal has forbidden all music in the school," Morgana said, her voice dripping with disdain at the word _principal_.

                  "Collins is really good, though!" Gwen whined. "Doesn't he do, like, piano and double bass and flute and accordion? He's like a musical genius!"

                  "Yep. And I don't think his mother's going to be too happy about this."

                  "His mother?" asked Merlin, having difficulty following this thread.

                  "Well, you know his mother was on the school board, right?" Morgana explained matter-of-factly. "She totally opposed the decision to eliminate music from the curriculum, and then, suddenly, mysteriously, she was no longer on the school board."

                  "Now there's a shocker," said Gwen sarcastically. "This shit is bananas."

                  Merlin and Morgana both stared at her.

                  "I...actually just said that, didn't I?" she added slowly. "I really need to stop, this is just becoming a reflex now."

                  "Well, if he's been expelled, at least now he can go to a school with a decent music program, right?" Merlin offered meekly.

                  "It's gonna be hard to get into any good universities with an expulsion on his record, though, isn't it?" Morgana replied, shutting her locker as if to accent her point.

                  Merlin and Gwen watched her as she walked away, with much less buoyancy than usual.

                  "She seems to be taking it pretty badly," Merlin noted as he shut his own locker.

                  "Unlike Arthur, she's not as enthused about being related to the principal of the school," Gwen pointed out.

                  Merlin frowned and tilted his head curiously.

                  "He's her step-father," Gwen explained, realizing he appeared to have no clue what she was talking about, "but both her biological parents died, so he's pretty much her father now, as much as she likes to deny it, most of the time."

                  "Oh," said Merlin. "I guess that's why Arthur said something about her being his step-sister... I just thought it was some sort of douchebaggy jargon I didn't know about. I thought they were, like, dating!"

                  "Ew, no!" Gwen replied promptly. "They're like siblings! What did you _think_ 'step-sister' meant?!"

                  "I don't know!" he answered defensively. "I thought maybe pseudo-incest was like a thing here! This whole place is fucking bananas!" He quickly clasped his hands over his mouth as he realized what he had just said.

                  Gwen stared at him with wide eyes, and soon a smile spread across her face. "It's contagious, isn't it?"

                  "Oh my god, I hate you and your mouth-words!" He covered his eyes and tried to keep himself from laughing.

                  "My mouth-words?"

                  "Shut up, you know what I meant."

                  "Oh, no, clearly your vocabulary is much more sophisticated than mine."

                  "Gwen, you're such a whore," he joked, picking up his bag and heading down the hallway, his arm linked with hers.

                  "At least I don't have a giant-ass mancrush on Arthur," she replied in a sing-song voice.

                  "As if!"

                  Gwen laughed as if she was waiting for a better comeback.

                  "Your _mom_ has a giant ass," he added after a pause.

                  "You disappoint me, Merlin."

***

                  The following couple of days passed by rather uneventfully except for a school-wide assembly during fourth period on Friday afternoon. Merlin, however, got lost on his way to the auditorium and ended up accidentally entering the backstage door.

                  Before his eyes adjusted to the dark and he could figure out where he was, he got caught up in a flurry of tech crew people bustling around with cables and two-way radios. He stumbled his way over to the wall, hoping he would be out of the way.

                  "Merlin?" he heard someone whisper loudly at him. "What the fuck are _you_ doing here, bro?"

                  "Not much, how about you?" he answered through his teeth.

                  "I have to do this gay-ass speech thing cause I'm president and shit," Arthur explained, leaning against the wall next to him.

                  "Yeah, man, that's sick." Merlin hoped that if he concentrated hard enough, he might be able to cause one of them to spontaneously combust. It didn't matter which one.

                  "If by 'sick' you mean gut-wrenchingly nerve-wracking, then yes."

                  Merlin turned his head to eye him warily. Those were the biggest words he'd ever heard him use, and he wasn't entirely sure that he didn't just imagine it. "What?"

                  Arthur sighed. "My dad made me run for this position, because he said it would look good on post-secondary applications. So now I've got to make this speech, and he's gonna be sitting right there behind me, so I can't fuck up or else—" He took another deep breath. "I just can't fuck up. At all."

                  A silence fell over them, as Merlin was unsure of what he should say, or if he should say anything at all.

                  "Bummer," he said finally, then wished he hadn't.

                  "True say, bro," Arthur replied, slapping him on the shoulder before heading towards a techie was summoning him so she could adjust the microphone to his height.

                  Merlin watched him walk away and his gaze wandered over to the stage area which was almost set up. He noticed a very severe-looking man in a suit sitting in a chair just to the side and behind the podium where he presumed Arthur was going to make his speech.

                  Arthur hung back to the side of the stage, as he was supposed to walk across it after the curtains opened. Merlin could see him shuffling his feet nervously. He almost – almost! – felt a little sorry for the guy.

                  Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a woman hurriedly approach Arthur. He watched their exchange, perplexed. It appeared that Arthur didn't know who this woman was, but it ended with her giving him a hug and... fondling his bottom?!

                  Merlin blinked several times, wondering if the dim lighting was playing tricks with his mind. He quickly looked away, though, when the woman started walking towards him. _I don't want her to pinch my ass, too!_ he thought. _She's like FORTY!_

                  She stood against the wall next to him. He tried to avoid eye contact with her.

                  "Are you a friend of Arthur's?" she asked, noticing his attempt to pretend he hadn't seen her.

                  "Yeah, I guess," Merlin answered absent-mindedly, then amended that with, "No, actually, not at all. I am, like, the opposite of a friend."

                  "Ah."

                  Merlin stood awkwardly. "Are, uh, are you a friend of Arthur's?" He grimaced when he realized that didn't sound right to him at all.

                  "Oh, heaven's, no," the woman laughed. "No, I'm Helen. I'm a friend of his father's. I just wanted to wish him luck on his big day. Seems he doesn't remember me, though. He was in diapers last time I saw him!"

                  _Gross_ , thought Merlin.

                  She smiled and pulled out a compact to freshen her makeup. As she did so, her wallet fell out of her purse. "Oh, I'm sorry—"

                  "I'll get that for you," Merlin offered, bending down to pick it up.

                  "No, that's alright—"

                  "It's no problem—"

                  "Honestly, it's fine, I can—"

                  Before she could stop him, he had already picked up the wallet and unintentionally looked at her driver's license, which read _Mary Collins_. He stared at it for a moment, trying to figure out why the name sounded familiar.

                  The woman snatched the wallet out of his hands, but not before he had figured out who she really was. He looked over at Arthur just as the curtains were drawing open. There was something sticking out of his back pocket, and Merlin squinted to try and make out what it was.

                  _A harmonica?_

                  Then it made sense. If Arthur walked on stage with a musical instrument in his pocket, his father would be furious. Merlin wasn't quite sure why he cared if Arthur got in trouble or not, but a nagging voice in the back of his mind convinced him that his success at this school somehow relied on Arthur's success as well. Without giving it another moment's thought, he dashed on stage.

                  "What are you doing?" Arthur hissed at him. "Get lost!" He looked out at the audience and laughed. "Groupies, eh?" he said to them, met with a loud bout of laughter and applause. Then, turning back to Merlin, he added quietly but harshly, "Why are you still following me?"

                  "I, uh, just, uh, wanted to say good luck," Merlin lied, slapping Arthur on the back and then dropping his hand to grab the harmonica undetected.

                  Arthur's eyes went wide. "Did you just grab my ass?!" he blurted, louder than was strictly necessary.

                  The audience roared and hooted.

                  The harmonica firmly in his hand, Merlin brought it up to his chest briskly and folded his arms over it. "For luck," he replied with a casual shrug. He glanced over his shoulder and noticed Mrs. Collins trying to sneak out so he added, "Gotta go!" and hurried off after her.

                  "Stop her!" he told a couple of techies who were standing by the backstage door.

                  Out of sheer boredom, the pair apprehended her and Merlin instructed them to keep her detained until the end of the assembly when they could get this mess sorted out.

***

                  "And, so, you see, sir, I was, uh, I was just trying to prevent, uh, fraud, and, you know, she tried to, uh, frame your son," Merlin attempted to explain to the principal, stuttering hopelessly.

                  "I see," the man responded seriously.

                  He said nothing for several moments, and everyone looked around at each other expectantly.

                  He inhaled abruptly and added, "You are a true friend, to stand up for my son even when it means making yourself seem like an _ass-pirate_ in front of the entire school."

                  Merlin cringed.

                  "Arthur," he continued, placing an authoritative hand on his son's shoulder, "I think you should make this boy your Vice President. He has demonstrated his loyalty and his willingness to put your future above his own—"

                  "Wait a minute—" Merlin tried to interject, but was ignored.

                  "—and I think he will be an invaluable asset in defending you against those who seek revenge upon us."

                  "But, dad, Gregory's already the Vice President," Arthur pointed out, gesturing to a timid-looking boy standing off to the side.

                  He looked up at the mention of his name and blinked.

                  "He can be secretary," Arthur's father replied, waving a hand in the boy's general direction.

                  "But the students _voted_ for him—"

                  "As President of the Student Council – and as my son – you have the power to overrule such verdicts when absolutely necessary."

                  "I don't think—"

                  "It has been decided, Arthur," he said before walking purposely towards the door. Without a pause in his step, he added, "I have a meeting, so you'll have to get Morgana to drive you home this afternoon."

                  "But, dad—" Arthur tried to argue, but his father was already out the door. He looked back at Merlin, who appeared utterly dumbfounded. "Are you sure you weren't just trying to grab my ass?"

                  Merlin blinked twice, pivoted ninety degrees, and walked straight out the same door.

***

                  "So, how was it?" squealed Gwen – who had seen the main event transpire from her seat in the audience – as she hurried down the nearly deserted hallway to find Merlin at his locker.

                  "The public humiliation? It was lovely," Merlin replied sarcastically.

                  "I meant Arthur's buttock!" she giggled.

                  "What kind of question is that, seriously?" he glared at her. "Also, please don't ever say 'buttock' again, it's really creepy."

                  "Rumour is that you grabbed a harmonica out of his pocket, but that kind of just sounds like a weird euphemism."

                  "That crazy witch planted it there in an attempt to sabotage him, and yes, I realize how ridiculous that sounds now!"

                  "Maybe if he had been wearing pants as tight as yours instead of ones that hang below his ass he would have noticed it before you had to intervene."

                  Merlin twisted himself around to try and get a look at his own behind. "They aren't _that_ tight," he argued.

                  "Sure," Gwen replied, her lips pursed tightly to avoid laughing.

                  "What?"

                  "Nothing."

                  "No, you want to say something. What?"

                  "Just that," she said between fits of laughter, "your babies will be beautiful!"


	2. MC Valiant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Arthur's having trouble getting his team to rally together before the first game of the year, Merlin realizes he's the only one that can help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up that I know NOTHING about hockey, Student Council, mixing boards, or human beings. This will all become painfully obvious in this chapter.  
> This was written when MSN Messenger was still a thing, btw.

"Merlin!" Arthur hollered from halfway down the hall. "It's three-thirty! Let's go!"

Merlin dropped his head. _How did I get myself into this?_ he thought to himself before closing his locker half-heartedly.

"We're gonna be late for the meeting, bro."

"Can they even technically start without you?" asked Merlin. "I mean, you're the _president_ , so..."

"Yeah, and with great power comes great responsibility," Arthur replied, waiting impatiently for Merlin to catch up.

"So go ahead without me, then."

"Knowing you, you'll end up roaming the halls for twenty minutes trying to find the room if I don't take you there."

Merlin was surprised by his consideration.

He followed Arthur up to a room on the third floor that appeared to be a Geography classroom, due to all the maps on the wall, and the word _GEOGRAPHY_ taped above the doorway in large cut-out paper letters. The other members of the Student Council were already there, waiting for them.

Gregory was sat off to one side of the room with his laptop, poised to start taking notes as soon as the meeting began, and shaking nervously.

"Sorry we're late, everyone," Arthur said as he walked in over-confidently. "It was Merlin's fault."

It was at this moment that Merlin realized he would forever be the scapegoat.

"So," Arthur continued, taking a seat at the front of the room, "what's on the agend this week."

"The what?"

"Agend. Agenda. Keep up, people."

"Oh, um, well," Gregory spoke up timidly, "most years we'd have a dance next week, but we weren't sure if this year—"

"Don't worry about it," Arthur cut in, "I'll make sure we get that. Events person," he added, snapping his finger at the girl sitting to his right, "make sure you get posters, announcements, ticket sales, and all the planning started, and I'll deal with confirming the deets. Next!"

"We, uh, we also need to set up a table to start selling tickets for the hockey game next week," Gregory continued uncertainly.

"Yes! Who's doing that? Somebody get on that!" Arthur barked. "Also, I expect all of you to be there and support your team."

"Dragons rule!" said the Treasurer, sitting to his left.

They high fived.

Merlin felt like he might be physically ill.

"Anything else?" asked Arthur, trying to move the meeting along.

"Um, the Eco-club wanted to know if they could do a theme day at the end of September—"

"Sure, whatever. Is that everything?"

"Well, that's—"

"Great!" Arthur stood. "Leon?" he said to the Treasurer.

"Yep," Leon replied and stood as well.

"Good meeting, guys," Arthur added as he picked up his backpack and slung it onto one shoulder. "See you next week. And don't forget about hockey." He glared at everyone intensely to get his message across before leaving.

Merlin, still seated, looked around the room. He was stunned. "Is that it?" he asked the girl sitting next to him.

"I guess," she shrugged, seeming rather annoyed at the way the meeting had gone.

"Merlin, let's go," said Arthur, sticking his head back in the room after noticing that Merlin had not followed him out.

Merlin stared at him. "Why?" was all he could manage to say.

"Politics. Come on."

He wasn't quite sure why he followed him, but halfway down the hallway he suddenly remembered, "I think I left something in French class!"

"What, your uterus?" Arthur joked. "'Cause I'm pretty sure you have it with you right now."

"Sick burn!" Leon chortled.

Arthur and Merlin both gave him a look that implied he wasn't really allowed in on their jokes.

"No, I left my French binder in the desk and it has the homework for Monday in it," Merlin said seriously.

"I'll email you the homework, don't worry about it," Arthur offered.

"But all my notes are in there," whined Merlin after a pause, as if he was actually considering the offer.

"Suit yourself," Arthur called after him as he headed towards the nearest stairwell.

***

The French room was closed when he got there, and he cursed the heavens and all of the gods – which he didn't actually believe existed – in futility.

As he tried to figure out some way he _could_ get Arthur to email him the homework now, he heard a strange noise coming from the other end of the basement hall. Out of morbid curiosity, he decided to see if he could figure out where exactly it was coming from.

The noise itself wasn't particularly strange, he realized, but it was certainly a strange thing to hear in this school: music. Beautiful music, at that.

He followed it to the door of strange-looking little room just before the stairwell. There were no windows into the room, but the door was open a crack so that it shed a thin line of light across the floor of the hall. Merlin tried to get a look inside.

In doing so, however, he accidentally leaned against the door which flew open and sent him toppling into the room and crashing onto a drum kit.

"Are you alright, Merlin?"

Merlin looked up and saw Mr. Gaius standing next to him. "I'm fine," he said, struggling to right himself. "I just, I, uh, heard the music, and I was wondering, well, what it was."

"It seems you've caught me," Mr Gaius said resignedly. "I didn't think anyone would be left in the building this late."

"Oh, well, I came to see if I could get my binder out of the French room, but it's locked," Merlin tried to explain. "Are...are you supposed to be in here?" He looked around the room.

The walls were covered in floor-to-ceiling shelves, filled with instrument cases, from clarinets to tubas to electric guitars. A piano was cramped into one corner, where Mr. Gaius had presumably been playing, stacked with piles of sheet music. The drum kit Merlin had tripped on took up most of the middle of the room, and he spotted a stack of amps and a mixing board in the other corner.

"Technically, no," Mr. Gaius admitted. "This is supposed to be dead storage."

"But all this stuff just sitting here, with nobody using it, it seems like such a shame."

"Precisely my thoughts."

Merlin beamed and looked around the room again. "Well, I won't tell anyone," he said finally.

"Thank you, Merlin," replied Mr. Gaius, sitting back down on the piano bench. "Though I do hope that you'll try to stay out of trouble. I'm old; I can afford to throw the rest of my life away. You can't."

Merlin couldn't decide if that was funny or really, really sad, so he just smiled politely.

***

**[/gwen] ;__; "i'm not crying, it's just been raining on my face" [lol i <3 my bffs!] says (5:28 PM):**

  * ohai! where were you? i went to your locker after school but you wasn't there
  * hellooooo?
  * merlin!



**|Merlin| Did you forget you could never get enough/ I'll always love you no matter how far you run| says (5:29 PM):**

  * hi
  * sorry
  * um
  * student council thing
  * fucking Arthur



**[/gwen] ;__; "i'm not crying, it's just been raining on my face" [lol i <3 my bffs!] says (5:29 PM):**

  * YOU WERE FUCKING ARTHUR?! :O
  * slut :P



**|Merlin| Did you forget you could never get enough/ I'll always love you no matter how far you run| says (5:31 PM):**

  * what?
  * no
  * sorry
  * mother's yelling at me



**|Merlin| Did you forget you could never get enough/ I'll always love you no matter how far you run| says (5:32 PM):**

  * arthur's a fucking idiot
  * do you have his email?



**[/gwen] ;__; "i'm not crying, it's just been raining on my face" [lol i <3 my bffs!] says (5:32 PM):**

  * lol



**[/gwen] ;__; "i'm not crying, it's just been raining on my face" [lol i <3 my bffs!] says (5:34 PM):**

  * are you serious?



**|Merlin| Did you forget you could never get enough/ I'll always love you no matter how far you run| says (5:34 PM):**

  * yeah
  * it's for French homework



**[/gwen] ;__; "i'm not crying, it's just been raining on my face" [lol i <3 my bffs!] says (5:34 PM):**

  * oh
  * i just have one from like 3 yrs ago but i dont think he uses it anymore



**|Merlin| Did you forget you could never get enough/ I'll always love you no matter how far you run| says (5:35 PM):**

  * merde



**[/gwen] ;__; "i'm not crying, it's just been raining on my face" [lol i <3 my bffs!] says (5:35 PM):**

  * sorry
  * maybe i can help?
  * im good at frnech
  * *frenhc
  * *french



**|Merlin| Did you forget you could never get enough/ I'll always love you no matter how far you run| says (5:36 PM):**

  * Nah
  * i just need him to tell me what the homework is
  * i left my binder in class today
  * like an idiot



**[/gwen] ;__; "i'm not crying, it's just been raining on my face" [lol i <3 my bffs!] says (5:38 PM):**

  * gah
  * g2g dinner
  * ask morgana



**..::faerie.queen::..** **М** **σ** **яġ** **αήą }}there's no such thing as a beautiful goodbye{{ has joined the conversation.**

**[/gwen] ;__; "i'm not crying, it's just been raining on my face" [lol i <3 my bffs!] has left the conversation.**

**..::faerie.queen::..** **М** **σ** **яġ** **αήą }}there's no such thing as a beautiful goodbye{{ says (5:39 PM):**

  * hello?



**|Merlin| Did you forget you could never get enough/ I'll always love you no matter how far you run| says (5:39 PM):**

  * uh
  * hi



**..::faerie.queen::..** **М** **σ** **яġ** **αήą }}there's no such thing as a beautiful goodbye{{ says (5:40 PM):**

  * what's up?



**|Merlin| Did you forget you could never get enough/ I'll always love you no matter how far you run| says (5:41 PM):**

  * uh
  * do you have Arthur's email?



**..::faerie.queen::..** **М** **σ** **яġ** **αήą }}there's no such thing as a beautiful goodbye{{ says (5:44 PM):**

  * no



**|Merlin| Did you forget you could never get enough/ I'll always love you no matter how far you run| says (5:44 PM):**

  * oh
  * really?



**..::faerie.queen::..** **М** **σ** **яġ** **αήą }}there's no such thing as a beautiful goodbye{{ says (5:45 PM):**

  * i'll ask him when he gets back



**|Merlin| Did you forget you could never get enough/ I'll always love you no matter how far you run| says (5:46 PM):**

  * oh ok
  * thanks



**..::faerie.queen::..** **М** **σ** **яġ** **αήą }}there's no such thing as a beautiful goodbye{{ says (5:48 PM):**

  * is that it?



**|Merlin| Did you forget you could never get enough/ I'll always love you no matter how far you run| says (5:48 PM):**

  * i think so



**|Merlin| Did you forget you could never get enough/ I'll always love you no matter how far you run| says (5:56 PM):**

  * so
  * how are you?



**..::faerie.queen::..** **М** **σ** **яġ** **αήą }}there's no such thing as a beautiful goodbye{{ says (6:09 PM):**

  * g2g bye



***

                  **ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 says (9:48 PM):**

  * DUDE
  * Are you stalking me?
  * dude dude dude



**ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 says (9:49 PM):**

  * You suck.



**|Merlin| Did you forget you could never get enough/ I'll always love you no matter how far you run| says (9:53 PM):**

  * hi
  * no
  * why?



**ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 says (9:53 PM):**

  * you are missing
  * this party.



**|Merlin| Did you forget you could never get enough/ I'll always love you no matter how far you run| says (9:54 PM):**

  * you're at a party?



**ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 says (9:55 PM):**

  * I will be.
  * You in?



**|Merlin| Did you forget you could never get enough/ I'll always love you no matter how far you run| says (9:57 PM):**

  * i don't think so



**ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 says (9:57 PM):**

  * You suck.



**|Merlin| Did you forget you could never get enough/ I'll always love you no matter how far you run| says (9:58 PM):**

  * Yeah
  * do you have the French homework?



**ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 says (9:59 PM):**

  * yeah
  * Hold on



**ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 has sent you a file:** FREN~.DOCX

Accept (Alt+C) Save As (Alt+S) Decline (Alt+D)

**|Merlin| Did you forget you could never get enough/ I'll always love you no matter how far you run| says (10:01 PM):**

  * Thanks



**ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 says (10:02 PM):**

  * Are you seriously doing homework on Friday night?
  * Lame, bro.



**|Merlin| Did you forget you could never get enough/ I'll always love you no matter how far you run| says (10:05 PM):**

  * no
  * i just don’t like parties



**ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 says (10:06 PM):**

  * gay
  * but I don't blame you



**|Merlin| Did you forget you could never get enough/ I'll always love you no matter how far you run| says (10:07 PM):**

  * oh?



**ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 says (10:07 PM):**

  * A bunch of drunken idiots



**|Merlin| Did you forget you could never get enough/ I'll always love you no matter how far you run| says (10:08 PM):**

  * yeah



**ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 says (10:10 PM):**

  * Fucking hilarious though



**|Merlin| Did you forget you could never get enough/ I'll always love you no matter how far you run| says (10:11 PM):**

  * I'll pass
  * thanks though



**ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 says (10:11 PM):**

  * Later, bro
  * Peace



***

"I think I might be cursed," Merlin whined at Gwen who had just found him sitting at a table in the middle of the school's front foyer.

"Looks like it," she replied. "I mean, I don't mean _you_ look like you're cursed, it's just—You look fine, I just meant the situation—It looks like you've—"

"—been roped into selling hockey and dance tickets? Why, yes, I have," he said with a fake grin.

"Something like that."

"Would you like to buy a ticket while you're here?" he continued with mock enthusiasm. "They're only five dollars each, but if you buy both together, you can get them for eight!"

"Are you going?" Gwen asked, inspecting a clearly half-assed poster for the dance.

"To which one?"

"Both."

"Yes, unfortunately," Merlin said with an exasperated sigh. "Apparently it's my civic duty or something," he scoffed. "Or, wait, not civic. What's like civic, but for just the school? Scholastic?"

"Your _scholastic_ duty?" Gwen laughed.

"It's a pretty big deal around here," he continued jokingly.

"Well, then I guess it it's my scholastic duty to go with you to keep you from being bored out of your mind," she replied, fishing for her wallet in her Hello Kitty backpack. "I'm actually surprised the principal's letting us have dances this year, what with his no music policy and all."

"I dunno," Merlin shrugged. "I guess Arthur talked to him. I don't really care."

"I think it could be fun," she smiled, then added, "in a ridiculous, so-lame-that-it's-awesome kind of way, of course."

***

_MLIA_ , Merlin thought to himself as he stood in front of his locker at the end of the day.

"Something wrong?" asked Morgana, fighting with the lock on hers.

"I left my binder in French class," Merlin sighed. "Again." He pushed the door shut with his knee and locked it.

"Bummer."

He stared at his locker for a moment as if he was staring off into space. "I think I'll just stand in front of the classroom and hope some passing custodian takes pity on me and unlocks it."

"Good luck with that," Morgana replied disinterestedly. She paused and looked over at him, adding, "Did Arthur ever get back to you? I left him a post-it with your email on it, but I don't know if he ever does what I ask him to."

"Uh, yeah, it was fine," he said, a little surprised.

"Yeah, sorry I couldn't chat on Friday," she continued, "but I was talking to a friend and it was pretty heavy stuff, you know."

"Uh, sure, yeah, no worries." He picked up his backpack awkwardly and headed off down the hallway with a small wave.

***

When he arrived at the classroom, it was, indeed, locked. He waited around for about five minutes before becoming overwhelmed with boredom, and started off towards the music storage room. Just out of curiosity.

He couldn't hear any music coming from the room this time, but he thought he could see the thin shaft of light across the floor and he was drawn to it.

He got to the door and knocked gently. "Mr. Gaius?" he asked in a hushed voice. "Hello?" He could hear that there was definitely someone inside.

He pushed the door open a little more so that he could see inside. Mr. Gaius was standing off to one side of the room, playing an electric bass which was hooked up to one of the amps, which in turn was hooked up to a pair of headphones he was wearing. It was a few moments before he noticed Merlin standing there, and was quite startled by his presence.

"Don't sneak up on a man my age," he said, "it could kill me."

"I didn't know you played bass as well," said Merlin, disregarding this last comment.

"Well, maybe a little," Mr. Gaius replied modestly. "I played in a punk band in the Eighties, so I'm not necessarily very good."

Merlin was, admittedly, a bit shocked. He found it hard to imagine Mr. Gaius in a punk band, since he had trouble imagining him as anything other than an eccentric old music-teacher-turned-chemistry-teacher. "I played a bit back home, as well," he finally said.

Casting a cautious glance out the door, Mr. Gaius added, "Would you like to try this one?" He removed the headphones and guitar strap and handed the instrument to Merlin.

Delighted, Merlin carefully placed the strap over his shoulder, as if the bass-guitar were a precious object. He plucked a string warily and was oddly surprised by the rich sound it created in the headphones. He grinned.

***

**ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 says (7:16 PM):**

  * Dude you owe me



**|Merlin| I'm just so bored of wasting my time/ Love and Death are always on my mind | says (7:18 PM):**

  * why?



**ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 says (7:19 PM):**

  * I got your French binder
  * You left it in class again



**|Merlin| I'm just so bored of wasting my time/ Love and Death are always on my mind | says (7:19 PM):**

  * oh
  * thanks
  * i guess



**ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 says (7:21 PM):**

  * You gonna come get it?



**|Merlin| I'm just so bored of wasting my time/ Love and Death are always on my mind | says (7:22 PM):**

  * uh
  * hold on



***

"No, Merlin, I'm not going to drive you to the other side of town," his mother sighed without diverting her attention from the television, even though it was just a _Friends_ rerun.

"But it's _school_ -related!" Merlin whined.

"I'm not a chauffeur, Merlin," she said, finally looking up. "You're almost seventeen, honestly! If you need to get somewhere, you can take the bus. With your _own_ money."

"It'll take like five minutes!"

"Just see this as a lesson in organization, then," she added. "Maybe if you had asked me _before_ I got my shoes off—Which reminds me, Merlin, please don't leave your shoes in front of the door. It makes it impossible for me to get in. You have some serious clown-feet, honey."

Merlin groaned and whirled on his heel, heading back to his room and slamming the door.

***

**|Merlin| I'm just so bored of wasting my time/ Love and Death are always on my mind| says (7:31 PM):**

  * ah
  * sorry
  * um i have no way of getting there



**ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 says (7:33 PM):**

  * 'sokay, bro
  * I'll bring it to you
  * Where you at?



**|Merlin| I'm just so bored of wasting my time/ Love and Death are always on my mind | says (7:34 PM):**

  * what?



**ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 says (7:34 PM):**

  * Where do you live?
  * I'll bring it over
  * My truck is fixed



**ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 says (7:35 PM):**

  * But you owe me



**|Merlin| I'm just so bored of wasting my time/ Love and Death are always on my mind | says (7:36 PM):**

  * owe you what exactly?



**ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 says (7:38 PM):**

  * :D



***

"Keep up, Merlin!" Arthur called back to him as he waited at the entrance to the indoor ice rink.

Merlin trudged forward, dragging an enormous duffel bag full of hockey gear.

"Pick it up, man!"

"I'm trying," Merlin growled through his teeth. He imagined that Arthur had also thrown a few cinder blocks in there for kicks.

"I don't have all day, bro," Arthur said, holding the door open for him.

"What am I, your manservant?"

"I really don't need to know about your kinky fantasies," he laughed, slapping Merlin on the back and shoving him through the doorway, causing him nearly to trip over his own feet.

_Damn my clown-feet!_ he thought.

***

Merlin followed along behind Arthur through the building. Ordinarily, he would never have a reason to be in there except for a game, and even that was only because he had unexpectedly been appointed Student Council Vice President. He didn't much care for the place, he realized.

Doubled over under the weight of the duffel bag, he followed Arthur blindly down corridors and around corners and through a door before stopping. He looked up and suddenly realized he was in a locker room. Horrible flashbacks of Grade 9 Phys. Ed. came rushing to him and he shuddered.

"Uh, I, uh, I think I'll just, you know, wait outside here," he said awkwardly, backing towards the door.

"You're such a girl, Merlin," Arthur scoffed, picking up his bag easily with one arm.

As Merlin turned to leave, the door flew open and a horde of hockey players flooded in, presumably the ones who had just been using the rink to practice. He could tell from their jerseys that they were not from C.C.V.I. – he had figured out that Camelot's team was called "The Dragons" but these uniforms were covered in snake-like emblems.

"SERPENTS!" hooted the guy leading the pack.

"SERPENTS!" hollered the rest of them in response.

The leader smirked as he passed Arthur and gave him a punch in the arm. "How's it goin', bro? You ready to be _destroyed_ tomorrow?"

"Only if your mom wears me out tonight, bro," Arthur replied casually.

"Well, if she's anything like _your_ mom, it'll hardly be worth your time."

Merlin rolled his eyes, hardly believing that people could actually talk like this. Arthur glanced at him and Merlin got the sense that he might have been thinking the same thing.

Before he could look back, Arthur felt something get slapped into his hand. It was a CD. He looked down at it and then up at the other guy. "What is it?"

"It's my demo," he grinned.

"MC _Valiant_?" Arthur laughed. "Is that, like, the only word you could think of that starts with 'Val'?"

Val shrugged. "I dunno," he said flippantly. "It means noble and heroic and cool shit like that. I thought maybe for the cover I could be holding a sword or some shit." He held up his hockey stick like a sword to demonstrate. "Anyway, you should listen to it and tell me what you think."

Arthur twirled it in his hand nervously. "Uh, yeah, sure," he replied, tossing it into his bag.

"It's really good," Leon assured him from over his shoulder. "I've been listening to mine already."

"Thanks, man," Val said to him. He turned back to Arthur, pulling a stack of CDs out of his bag. "I'll leave some more for the rest of your guys."

Arthur wrinkled his nose in disgust but quickly tried to hide it.

"I'm just trying to get it out there, you know?" Val continued.

"Sure thing, bro." Arthur shot another glance at Merlin, hinting at his annoyance. "It's still not going to keep you from getting crushed tomorrow, though," he continued, taking off his shirt.

Merlin decided this was his cue to leave.

***

**ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 says (11:43 PM):**

  * Dude, are you awake?
  * MERLIN



**|Merlin| Do you ever think of me/ Cause I'll be thinking of you/ and you'll be thinking of yourself| says (11:46 PM):**

  * yes, technically



**ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 says (11:47 PM):**

  * You don't play secret hockey do you?



**|Merlin| Do you ever think of me/ Cause I'll be thinking of you/ and you'll be thinking of yourself | says (11:47 PM):**

  * wat's secret hockey?



**ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 says (11:48 PM):**

  * I meant secretly play hockey
  * Ewan just called me and said he quit the team



**ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 says (11:49 PM):**

  * We need a new goalie for tomorrow!
  * Are you good at getting hit with pucks?



**|Merlin| Do you ever think of me/ Cause I'll be thinking of you/ and you'll be thinking of yourself | says (11:50PM):**

  * No



**ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 says (11:50 PM):**

  * You suck



**|Merlin| Do you ever think of me/ Cause I'll be thinking of you/ and you'll be thinking of yourself | says (11:51PM):**

  * whatever
  * i can't help you



**ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 says (11:53 PM):**

  * get off the rag, bro



**ARTHUR - DRAGONS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 says (11:56 PM):**

  * Laters



***

"So I hear Arthur's made you, like, his caddy," Morgana said mockingly the next morning as Merlin approached his locker.

"Last time I ever let him do me a favour, believe me," Merlin replied, his arms drooping at his side.

Morgana chuckled. She pulled a textbook out of her bag, followed by a CD. She looked at it for a moment, puzzled, then shrugged and stuck it up on a shelf in her locker.

"Where'd you get that?" Merlin asked curiously, noticing it appeared to be the same CD that Arthur was given.

She seemed surprised. "Oh, uh, I ran into Arthur and some of his friends last night, and that Val guy gave it to me." She picked it up and looked at it again. "MC _Valiant_ ," she read with a laugh. "Sure, whatever." She shoved it back in her locker.

"He's pretty freaked out, though," she continued seriously.

"Who?"

"Arthur. Three of the guys on his team just quit overnight, and a couple more seem to be AWOL," she explained.

"Three of them quit?" Merlin asked, shocked. "I had just heard about the goalie."

"Yeah, two more quit via email, and I saw Leon this morning and he was saying something about his true calling, whatever that is," Morgana told him. She shut her locker and faced him, looking remarkably concerned. "They've never had pre-game jitters before, and, I mean, it's not that I, like, care or anything, but it doesn't look very good for Arthur as Team Captain if all his players quit right before a game, you know?"

"Yeah, I guess," Merlin said slowly.

"I mean, I don't really give a fuck what Arthur does, you know," she went on, "but I know that he, like, is counting on getting athletic scholarships and stuff, right?"

Merlin nodded, but he had no idea.

***

"How was hockey?" Gwen laughed sardonically.

"Um, it was good," Merlin replied distractedly as he sat next to her in class. He thought for a moment. "No, actually, it was awful. Do you have any idea how _boring_ hockey is? Seriously."

Gwen continued laughing. "Did you shower with all those big muscular guys afterwards?"

"Don't be gross, Gwen," he said. "I'm not you."

She gave him a playful shove and pretended to be offended.

"But it sounds like things are going pretty shitty," he added seriously.

"Yeah, Morgana told me about all the people quitting. I feel kinda bad for them."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Actually," she went on, "I never thought I'd say this, but I feel kind of bad for Arthur."

Merlin looked at her as if she were growing another head.

"I mean, this year he's gotta prove that, like, he can do everything, right? He can be President and Captain and not fail French for the umpteenth time. You know?" She looked down at her notebook and doodled for a moment in quiet contemplation.

"Sorry," was all Merlin could think to say. "I didn't realize you were such friends with him."

"I'm not!" Gwen snapped. "I mean, like, maybe I used to kind of hang out with those guys, like, a few years ago, but I haven't said two words to him since Grade 10 or something."

"Okay, don't need to get defensive, I was just sayin'—"

"I know, it's just—" Gwen took a breath. "I know."

***

Merlin winced as he got to second period and saw Arthur sitting at his desk – looking utterly crestfallen – because he knew what he had to do. He inhaled sharply.

"Sup, bro?" he said, smiling forcedly and patting Arthur on the shoulder.

Arthur looked up. "You don't need to mock me, Merlin, I'm already kinda having a shitty day, thanks."

Merlin sank into his chair sheepishly. He was hoping he had concealed his insincerity well enough. "I just, uh, thought I might cheer you up, is all."

"Uh, no offense, guy, but I really don't think you have a clue," Arthur replied, in a much less joking manner than his usual. "Like, ever. About anything."

Somehow, Merlin actually felt a little hurt. "Fine," he said, tight-lipped. He pulled out his binder and plonked it onto his desk moodily.

"Ugh, I didn't mean it like that," Arthur groaned, dropping his head in his hands and massaging his temples. "But, like, why, all of a sudden, did all the guys on the team just decide they all don't give a fuck, huh?"

Merlin wasn't sure if he was supposed to answer this, so he said nothing.

"And, like, at the same time, out of the blue, my _lady friend_ just dumps me for no reason—"

"You have a _lady friend_?" Merlin asked, suppressing a chuckle.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "We can't all be homos, Merlin—"

"No, I just meant you've never mentioned her," Merlin clarified. "Also _lady friend_ sounds a little...well, gay, actually."

"In your dreams, guy."

"Who is she?"

"Doesn't matter now, does it?" Arthur sighed impatiently. "But, like, none of my friends are talking to me, and when they do, they won't shut up about that gay-ass _MC Valiant_ shit. Seriously."

"Well, at least I'm still talking to you," Merlin offered, hoping it would be seen as a positive thing.

This was met with a disdainful, sidelong glare. "Don't try and help, bro. You're awful at it."

Merlin was going to argue, but he noticed the hint of a smile creep across Arthur's face. "You sure?" he said mockingly. "You sure I can't get you anything? An ice cream, maybe? Or a hug? Maybe you just need a hug right now." He opened his arms.

"Fuck off," Arthur replied, clearly struggling not to laugh.

"It'd be a manly hug, come on!" Merlin continued, this time a little more loudly than was necessary, because everyone turned around to look at him. He laughed nervously.

"Private conversation here, folks," Arthur said, motioning for them to turn themselves back around, which they did.

"Wait, did you say _MC Valiant_?" Merlin asked abruptly.

"Please, I don't want to hear about him anymore today," Arthur whined. "It's bad enough I have to face him on the ice this afternoon—"

"Did he happen to give your lady friend a copy of his CD?"

"Yeah, why? Did you want one? Cause you can have mine. I can't stand rap." He suddenly remembered himself. "Uh, but don't tell the guys that, they all think I do."

A light bulb went on somewhere above Merlin's head. "Do you have it with you now?"

"It's at home."

Merlin bit his lip anxiously and looked up at the clock. "And what time is the game, again?"

"Fourth period. You should really know this by now—"

Merlin shushed him so he could concentrate.

***

The instant the lunch bell rang, Merlin was up out of his seat and out the door – before Arthur could even tell him he'd forgotten his binder again.

He bounded down staircases and skidded around corners until he reached his locker. He was hoping Morgana would be there, but she was nowhere in sight. Assuredly, he decided to open his locker and reach through the hole into hers – he figured the ends would justify the means and she'd forgive him for breaking their pact eventually – to snag her copy of MC Valiant's demo.

Tucking it dutifully under his arm, he manoeuvred his way through the growing crowds in the hallways until he got to the Chemistry room, where Mr. Gaius was just locking up for lunch.

"I need a massive favour!" he said to the man who was startled by Merlin's sudden appearance.

***

"I _really_ shouldn't be letting you do this," Mr. Gaius said in a loud whisper as he unlocked the storage room door, looking over his shoulder every few seconds to make sure nobody was watching.

"It's vitally important, I swear," Merlin replied, as if he still needed to convince him, even though the door was already opened by this point.

It was open just enough for Merlin to slip through. Mr. Gaius told him to close the door tightly once he was finished, to make sure it would be locked. Merlin nodded and shut the door from the inside.

He spent a few moments trying to find the light switch, and then a few more moments orienting himself in the room. He located the stereo and put in the CD, hooking it up to the mixing board and hooking up the headphones to the output. He pressed _PLAY_.

He wasn't entirely sure what he was searching for, but he felt that there was something in the music causing everyone on the team to behave so strangely. He listened closely. It just sounded like generically sexist rap music to him, though better than he expected, admittedly. One thing he couldn't quite understand, however, was why he started to feel like his dislike of The Dragons, and hockey in general, was somehow completely justified.

He listened closer, pressing the headphones to the sides of his head firmly. _Needs more bass_ , he thought, but since he didn't actually have any clue what he was doing, he just began flipping switches and sliding sliders around randomly until he started to hear something new.

He managed to amplify a certain frequency enough to hear more clearly above the rest. What had just sounded like generic humming and background singing in the actual mix was now starting to sound more distinctly like words.

"Dragons suck," were some that he was able to identify, along with, "Serpents rule. MC Valiant is the greatest, handsomest guy ever. You can't beat him. You might as well just give up now. Dragons suck. Serpents—"

He took off the headphones. _Whoa_ , he thought. He had never before felt more vindicated in his paranoia than at that moment. _I've got to tell Arthur!_ was his next thought.

He made sure no one was around when he left the storage room, and placed a small pebble in the door to keep it from closing all the way.

***

"Merlin! Where've you been?" called Gwen as she saw Merlin walk by frantically. "Aren't you going to have lunch with us?" She was sitting with a group of her friends in the corner of a hallway between a row of lockers and the stairwell, a spot they liked to call 'Patrick Wall' though Merlin had no idea why.

"Have you seen Arthur?" he said as reply, ignoring her question. For the greater good, he reckoned.

"Uh, no," she laughed, mostly to keep from betraying how annoyed she was. "Why, exactly?"

Merlin looked up and down the hallway, standing on his toes in an attempt to see over people's heads. "I just need to tell him something important," he answered. "You don't happen to know where he usually has lunch, do you?"

"How should I know that?" Her annoyance was starting to seep through her voice.

"I don't know, I just— I have to speak to him _now_!"

Gwen sighed, realizing it must be _really_ important for him to get so worked up about it. "I don't know for sure, but I think he probably eats in The Caf most days. Probably at the table in the far right corner, behind the wall with the Seventies-looking mural of people playing volleyball."

Merlin blinked. "That's disturbingly specific."

"I _told_ you we used to be friends—"

"Doesn't matter right now," he cut in. "Thanks." He headed off in the direction of the cafeteria – or at least he _hoped_ it was the direction of the cafeteria.

***

Had Merlin actually managed to find the cafeteria in time, he would not have found Arthur there. Luckily for him, he got turned around and ended up in front of the library where, by some miraculous coincidence, he spotted Arthur sitting at a table reading what appeared to be a book.

"Arthur!" he called out, rushing into the library.

The librarian didn't shush him. It wasn't like a _real_ library where people are considerate or anything.

Dazed, Arthur looked up.

"Look, Arthur, I have to tell you something about those CDs that Val guy was giving out—"

"I really don't want to hear it right now, Merlin," Arthur sighed, picking up his reading material which was, on closer inspection, definitely a book.

"But I have to tell you, you're not gonna believe it—"

"Seriously, bro—"

"Val's trying to sabotage you guys! He's used the CD to—"

"Nobody's _sabotaging_ anyone—"

"HE'S PUT SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES IN THE DEMO TO DESTROY THE TEAM'S MORALE!" Merlin said loudly, drawing a bit more attention to himself than he would have liked.

Arthur stared at him, not at all amused. "You sound absolutely fucking insane, you know?"

"I know it's crazy, but I can prove it to—" Merlin stopped suddenly. Maybe, he realized, it wouldn't be the best idea to show the _principal's son_ the room where music was secretly and illicitly practiced. "But it's true!"

"I know you don't really care about my life or anything," Arthur said seriously, "but maybe you could save your sad little games for some time when it's not all going to shit, alright?" He closed his book and snatched up his bag off the table. "Why don't you, I don't know, get a life or something?"

Merlin watched Arthur stand up and leave, unable to think of anything he could say to convince him it was the truth.

***

Merlin was sulking on his way back to his locker when he suddenly found himself in front of the Guidance Office – because he had, in fact, been going the exact opposite direction of his locker. He hesitated outside the door for a moment before going in.

"Ah, Merlin," said Mr. Keil-Guerra, looking up from his Sudoku, "I've been expecting you."

Merlin looked around warily. "Have you?"

"I take it things are working out better for you in your French class," the counsellor continued.

"Uh, yeah, I guess so," Merlin replied, still confused.

"But something else is troubling you."

"Kind of. A little bit. Maybe."

Mr. Keil-Guerra motioned for him to have a seat.

"Like, I dunno, I guess you were right a bit, cause, I mean, it has been helpful having Arthur in the class sometimes, sort of," Merlin continued, "but he's just really aggravating in all other respects and, like, if he doesn't wanna listen to me, then why should I even bother helping him and—"

Mr. Keil-Guerra raised his hands to silence him. "Young Merlin," – Merlin grimaced – "you need to think beyond your immediate surroundings and look into the future. Arthur may not realize it now, but he needs you, just as much as you need him."

_Gross_ , thought Merlin.

"If he won't listen to you, then you need to find a way to make him listen. It's for his own good, and yours as well."

"But I don't know—"

"It may take a little creative-thinking on your part," Mr. Keil-Guerra continued, standing to indicate that their meeting was coming to a close, "but in the end you must do what has to be done. Now, lunch is just about over, so you'd better get to class now."

Merlin reeled in shock for a minute before leaving. He wasn't sure why he bothered talking to this guy.

***

Merlin usually enjoyed his English class, but he was too busy thinking about what the guidance counsellor had told him to focus on the lesson. _How do I make Arthur listen?_ he wondered, staring down at the blank sheet of paper in front of him as if it would solve all his problems.

Which, somehow, it did. _Not Arthur_ , he realized, _MC Valiant! I can make MC Valiant listen!_

He looked up at the classroom clock. Still thirty-five minutes of class, and then students would start heading over to the hockey game – or, more accurately, most of them would use their hockey ticket to get out of class and then just go home. Merlin jittered his leg restlessly for the remainder of class.

***

He didn't have any trouble getting back into the storage room at the beginning of fourth period. Enough students were bustling and babbling in the halls that no one noticed him disappear off to the side.

"where u at?" Gwen texted him once he was inside.

_Wow_ , he thought, _she wasn't lying about being friends with Arthur._

"i'll meet u there," he replied, then shut off his phone.

Now, to get to work.

***

Merlin was finally glad that he had lugged Arthur's hockey bag to practice the other day, because he was now able to find his way down to the rink without too many wrong turns. He realized the game would have already started, but he figured, better late than never.

Once in the building, he did not follow the signs directing him to the crowd seating, but instead a sign he had noticed last time he was there: Sound/Lighting Booth.

Around a corner, down a hallway, up a tiny staircase, around another corner, up another smaller staircase, and hang a left – and there it was. Through the window in the door, Merlin could see a small room of controls for all the sound and lighting in the arena, staffed by one bored-looking and probably underpaid employee.

Merlin tapped on the glass. The young woman lifted her head as if she had been sleeping and turned to see who was knocking. Leaning over the arm of her chair, she reached for the door handle to open it.

"What?" she said.

"Um, I was wondering if I could ask a really big favour," Merlin asked, ducking into the room. He peered out the window overlooking the arena, and could tell that The Dragons weren't doing so well, specifically since most of them were barely moving. He could recognize Arthur as the only one in red who was actually playing the game – at least Merlin assumed it was what playing hockey looked like; he really didn't care.

The woman eyed him suspiciously as he pulled a CD out of his bag.

***

By the time Merlin made it down to the crowd and located Gwen, it had already begun.

The rap music filled the stadium, surprising everyone. Particularly, Merlin noted, the Principal, who was sitting in the next section. He looked around furiously, trying to figure out where that noise could be coming from and who on Earth decided this would be an appropriate time for it.

Most people failed to notice that the game was still going on, though the dynamics had changed dramatically. It was as if The Dragons were finally realizing that they were _in_ a game, and started to pick up the pace, while The Serpents were becoming gradually more sluggish.

Val was collapsed in a heap off to the side, weeping.

Arthur took the opportunity to score the winning goal – which he preceded with fifty other goals, or however many is normal for hockey. Merlin wasn't counting.

Gwen turned to him and said, "You know what? I think Arthur's kind of a douche."

Merlin smiled mischievously.

"But I guess he's alright, really," she continued. "And The Dragons are really good! Did you see them?"

"Those Serpents are pretty terrible, though, aren't they?" he added, tongue-in-cheek.

"Absolutely! Everyone knows that! Val's such a loser!"

Gwen gave Merlin a celebratory high five, though she wasn't quite sure why.

***

"Look, I just do what people to ask me to do," the woman from the booth explained to Principal Pendragon. "I just know that I was asked to play it as a special request for some guy named Val."

The Principal turned to face Val, whose face was still blotchy from crying nonstop for forty-five minutes on the ice. "This is _your_ compact disc, is it not?" he asked sternly, waving the CD in his hand.

"No," Val whimpered. "Well, I mean, yeah, technically it is, but mine's supposed to make the _other_ guys fall apart, not us!"

"You mean these effects were an intentional part of the... _music_?"

"Uh, well, wait, what I meant was—"

"Get him out of my sight," the Principal spat.

A couple of Dragons grabbed Val by the arms and escorted him out roughly.

The Principal then turned his attention to Arthur. "Seeing as the insubordination of your team was not your fault, you will not lose your position as Team Captain—"

"I think that's maybe my decision—" said the coach before getting cut off.

"—but this event has certainly made me more aware of the perils of recreational music. I will need to be much stricter on this front."

Arthur laughed nervously. "But, uh, after the dance tomorrow, right?"

***

"Please shoot me," said Merlin, standing at the side of the gymnasium with Gwen, sipping on a Styrofoam cup of orange pop.

"Well, it's not quite what I expected," Gwen admitted, looking around the room.

"A dance without music isn't really a dance, though, is it?" Merlin added. "It's just a bunch of kids standing around gym in silly outfits with a refreshments table in the corner."

"Yeah, but if you think about it, that's what a dance is anyway," Gwen pointed out. "It's just kind of disguised by music."

"I don't like dances anyway."

"Then who are you to complain?"

"Huh, I didn't expect to see Morgana here," Merlin said, off-topic, when he noticed her walk in.

"Ah," replied Gwen, seeing Arthur walk in with her, "I guess he made her come. He was probably worried nobody would show up when they found out there would be no music."

Merlin glanced around the gym. "He was right."

"She looks really pretty, though, doesn't she?" Gwen continued.

"Yeah," he replied disinterestedly. He took another sip of his drink and smirked into his cup. "You're not jealous, are you?" he added.

"What? No. Why would I be?" she answered defensively. "I just think, you know, that she's pretty and, like, it must be nice to be, you know, pretty like that, is all. I'm not _jealous_."

"Come on, Gwen, you're pretty too," he assured her.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "You're only saying that so I don't hit you."

"Maybe that's part of it," he teased, "but no, I mean it. If I were into ladies..." He winked and gave her a nudge.

" _Ladies_? What century is this?"

"I bet Arthur thinks you're pretty," he grinned.

She looked at him as if he were crazy, then her eyes went wide. "Don't!"

"I'm gonna go ask him."

"I swear to god, Merlin, I will kill you if you do!" Gwen threatened, tugging on his sleeve.

He pulled himself free and beamed at her as he headed off with a small skip.

By the time Merlin approached him, Arthur had already had an argument with Morgana and she wasn't speaking to him for the rest of the evening.

"Look at this fucking hipster," he said as Merlin came up to him. "What's with the vest?"

"What? It's a dance," Merlin beamed.

"What are you so happy about?" Arthur asked, looking around the room with an expression akin to having a bad taste in his mouth.

"What am I _not_ happy about?" Merlin replied cheerfully. "We won the game yesterday; I was right; I'm at a kickass dance; _I was right_ ; and, oh, I WAS RIGHT."

"Is there something you're trying to tell me, Merlin?"

He smiled and folded his arms. "What do you think of Gwen?" he asked, turning to look back at his friend.

"What?" Arthur asked, a little dumbfounded.

"What do you think of her?" Merlin repeated. "Do you think she's pretty?"

Arthur rolled his eyes. "I don't really want to get involved in your little lover's spat, bro."

Merlin frowned. "We're not—We're not _together_ ," he explained. "I mean, we're _here_ together, but we're just friends."

Arthur looked back over at Gwen who appeared to be trying to make herself invisible by sheer force of will. "Does _she_ know that?"

"Of course," Merlin replied, looking confused.

"Sure."

An awkward silence passed over them.

"So," Arthur finally said, slapping a hand on Merlin's shoulder, "I guess, uh, I guess I just wanna say, you know, that I'm sorry I, like, snapped at you or whatever, cause I should have listened, cause...you were right."

"I was?" asked Merlin with mock surprise. "I was, wasn't I?"

"Yeah, well, there's a first time for everything."

"If I hadn't helped you out, you guys would have lost, so," he added and shrugged, "buy me a pop and we'll call it even."

"Uh, I think whoever anonymously brought in that CD deserves the credit on this one," Arthur teased. "Plus, it'd be kinda gay for me to buy you a drink, bro."

Merlin laughed. "In your dreams, maybe."


	3. The PMS of Nimueh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something is making all the teachers physically ill, and Gwen erroneously gets the blame. Merlin has to work with Arthur to help her out of trouble, meanwhile having to deal Nimueh's particular brand of high maintenance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really have no clue what happened to this one. But it's sort of unresolved and will be a bit of a two-parter with 1x04, I think.

"Oh!" Merlin's mother stopped in the doorway of the apartment when she walked in to see a pair of worn out size 13 Chuck All Stars sitting in the middle of the floor mat and a pair of purple polka-dotted ballet flats sitting neatly against the wall. She pried off her 1.5-inch heels and headed towards her son's room.

The door was half-open, but she knocked anyway, gently pushing it with her knuckles until it was open all the way. "I didn't know you were bringing your girlfriend over tonight, Merlin," she said with slight exasperation.

Gwen immediately stood from where she had been sitting on the edge of Merlin's bed and said quickly, "Oh, really, it's not like that, I'm not his—"

"She means _girlfriend_ , like 'HAI GURL, HAAAI' kind of girlfriend," Merlin added quickly, rolling his eyes. He turned to his mother and added, "I asked you this morning if Gwen could come over and you said yes."

"I thought you meant hypothetically, sometime in the future when the place isn't such a mess and I've been grocery shopping so there's actually food to eat—" she started, and then remembered herself and smiled at Gwen. "It's nice to meet you, Gwen, and I apologize that you have to see the house in this state."

"It's fine," Gwen smiled back meekly. "Honestly, my room is a _disaster_."

"If it's anything like your locker, then I believe you," Merlin teased.

"Well, I'm sorry I didn't have anything in mind for dinner," his mother continued, leaning against the door frame. "I guess we could—"

Suddenly, a MIDI version of "Toxic" could be heard playing, and Gwen scrambled to her Hello Kitty backpack and rummaged through it to find her phone. Merlin quirked an eyebrow at her. "What?" she blushed. "I like it. Shut up."

She managed to get a hold of her phone after about 28 seconds of embarrassed scrounging in her bag and read the text message. "It's my dad," she told Merlin and his mother. "He's here to pick me up. That's what I was going to say, that I can't stay for dinner tonight, so don't worry about it. Thank you, anyway."

"Well, you'll have to come over for a proper visit sometime, then."

Gwen smiled politely and excused herself past Merlin's mother. "See you on Monday, Merlin!"

"Don't forget these," he said to her, grabbing a couple books and a CD that were in a small stack on his desk.

Gwen laughed awkwardly. "Kind of the reason I came over!"

"Merlin, walk her out of the building!" his mother whispered harshly to him as he stood uselessly in the hallway.

"It's fine, I can find my way out," Gwen replied as she put her shoes on.

The look Merlin was getting from his mother told him it was not fine. "No, I should come down anyway," he said, reluctantly picking up his sneakers. "Besides," he added on a more positive note, "now I get a chance to meet your dad."

Gwen chuckled.

"What?" He smiled but furrowed his brow, like he was missing the joke.

She stared at him for a moment. "But you have met my dad," she said, like this was something he should already have known.

Merlin's brain whirred as it searched for this bit of information.

"He's your math teacher, Merlin. Mr _. Leodegrance_?" Gwen added bluntly.

Merlin's brain clunked and scraped as its gears tried to make sense of this.

She narrowed her eyes. "You never realized that we were related?" she asked. "How many Leodegrances do you know?"

"Uh..." He scratched his head.

"Even last Tuesday when he asked you to remind me about my dentist appointment that afternoon?"

His face – like his mind – was blank.

"You really are dense sometimes, Merlin," she laughed. "Oh, I didn't mean—Not _really_ —I mean, you're smart at some stuff, but sometimes you just don't always _get_ it—Not that that's a bad thing, I mean, it's kind of endearing and it's one of the reasons I like you—Not _like you_ like you, I just—You're sweet."

"Heh," he replied absent-mindedly as he tied his shoelaces.

His mother stared at him impatiently before adding to Gwen, "No, you're right, he really is dense."

***

"You look nice today, Merlin," Morgana told him as he sidled up to his locker Monday morning.

He couldn't tell if this was sarcastic or not, so he checked to make sure none of the buttons on his cardigan had popped open or anything. She laughed and he could feel himself blush a little.

"Merlin!"

Merlin sighed and turned to see Arthur barrelling down the hallway towards him. "I know, I know," he said, raising his arms in defeat.

"You were supposed to meet me at my locker ten minutes ago," Arthur told him seriously.

"I'm sorry," Merlin tried pathetically. "I was running late this morning. I only just got here."

"You do know you have flowers in your hair, right, bro?"

"What?" he looked at Arthur as if he was speaking gibberish and then suddenly remembered. His eyes went wide and he grabbed at the small cluster of tiny blue flowers that was tucked behind his ear. "Oh, I, uh, Gwen, she gave it to me this morning, and I just—" he mimed putting the flowers behind his ear again, "—as a joke and well, I guess I— I forgot."

"Uh-huh. Well you'd better gather up your shit fast 'cause we need to peace it down to the office now, bro," Arthur continued, realizing he didn't have time now and would need to mock Merlin about the flower later. "I'm not doing this announcement by myself."

Merlin sighed audibly and shoved his binder in his bag, which he was barely able to sling over his shoulder before Arthur grabbed him by the sleeve of his cardigan and began pulling him down the hallway.

"You'll stretch it," he whined, trying to pry Arthur's hand off his sweater.

"It's like a child's small, dude, maybe it'll do you some good."

He grumbled silently to himself as he was paraded through the halls like a show dog. "Why exactly do I have to do this announcement with you, again?" he finally asked when they approached the main office.

Arthur opened the door. "Because, Merlin, the _Motivational Quote of the Day_ thing was your idea," he replied, pushing him on through.

"It wasn't, actually," Merlin pointed out.

"Yes, well, I think the students will be more open to an idea from the Vice President than from the Secretary—"

"But they _voted_ Gregory Vice President!"

"This is just how politics work," Arthur explained.

The first bell rang and Merlin started to panic. He could see students rushing to their classes in the hallway and he knew that, in two minutes, a second bell would ring and the morning announcements would start. "I don't know how to do this! How do I know what I'm supposed to do? What if I say the wrong thing?" he started babbling.

"Chill, dude," Arthur replied condescendingly. "Just speak into the microphone when Nimueh tells you and read your lines." He pulled a crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket and tried to smooth it out as best he could.

Merlin glanced over at the girl who was sorting out the morning announcements, putting them in the order she was going to read them, as she cleared her throat. She looked up at Merlin and smiled politely.

"You'll do fine," she said to him, noticing his worry. "Really fine."

He could have sworn she winked at him, so he coughed quietly and quickly looked down at the crumpled bit of paper Arthur had just handed him.

The second bell rang. Merlin gulped loudly. Arthur glared at him disapprovingly. Nimueh smiled sweetly at them. She pulled the microphone closer, and in a calm, even, and reassuring voice – which made it clear why she was chosen for this position – she said, "Please stand for 'O Canada' and remain standing for a moment of silence. Those of you in the halls, stay where you are."

The microphone clicked off and she went to press PLAY on a rack behind her where the CD for 'O Canada' was cued up. The national anthem was the only music still allowed in the school, and only this particular version. This version did not contain a superfluous instrumental interlude, or a cappella _bah-bah-bah-bah_ s or any sort of unnecessary style or personality whatsoever. After the ordeal with MC Valiant, all forms of music had been banned from the school completely, including CDs and Walkmans – "They're called _iPods_ now," Morgana had corrected her step-father. If the Principal hadn't been _required_ to play the national anthem daily, he would have much preferred to be rid of it all together. Although he did quite enjoy the sense of patriotism it was intended to instil, as well as the outdated reference to "God" and how it imposed Christian values on an entire nation of people. It could be much worse, he figured.

And today it was.

As the sound filled the entire school, it was instantly clear that this was not 'O Canada' at all. In fact, it was difficult to ascertain just _what_ it was, but it was definitely unpleasant.

Merlin and Arthur looked at each other, perplexed, and then looked at Nimueh. The expression of horror on her face made even bitterly sarcastic Merlin feel a little sympathy for her. She appeared as if she was about to burst into tears at any moment.

The music, if it could be called that – it sounded more akin to thirteen large cats being strangled with barbed wire and tossed into a tumble dryer – created a wave of surprise, bewilderment, and raucous laughter throughout the school. From the students, at least

It was having a rather different result on the staff and faculty members. Merlin swivelled his head around to see the office secretary clutching her stomach and gagging, clearly fighting back the urge to become physically ill all over her well-organized desk. The teacher who coached volleyball who was standing behind the boys, waiting to make his announcement about tryouts, was also demonstrating signs of intense abdominal pain and ran out of the office towards the staff washroom.

Merlin saw that Nimueh was paralyzed with fear, so in a brief moment of clarity, he reached across her to hit STOP – at least he _hoped_ he was hitting STOP, as he flailed at the console blindly with his hand – and the noise ceased. He smiled apologetically at Arthur and Nimueh who were still gawking.

After what felt like hours of uncomfortable silence, though it was actually less than a minute, Nimueh burst into an uncontrollable fit of weeping.

"Whoa there," said Arthur, pathetically unsure of what to do in such a situation. 

"I don't know what happened!" she blubbered, throwing her arms around Merlin's neck and sobbing into his shoulder.

He took a sudden step back to balance himself, his arms sticking out rigidly at his sides, utterly bewildered. He looked to Arthur for help, who seemed to be holding back a laugh.

"Thanks," Merlin mouthed at him sarcastically.

He put one arm around her hesitantly and patted her on the back. "It's alright," he offered meekly. He shrugged at Arthur.

"I'm sorry," she finally said, letting go of him and wiping her eyes. "But, I'm going to get blamed for this, aren't I? It's my job to do the morning announcements and-- What if I get expelled?!" She wailed and clung to Merlin all over again.

Merlin was turning red and laughed uncomfortably. "Heh, no, nobody's going to blame you," was all he could think to say. He shot a glance at Arthur.

"Oh, uh, yeah," he finally chimed in, "I'll make sure my father knows it wasn't your fault. It's obviously just some sort of prank."

"Thank you!" she cried, though it was muffled by Merlin's now stretched out and soggy cardigan.

***

"Well, I must say," began the Principal, seated at his desk as the three students stood before him, "I am glad I was not here to witness this atrocious display."

He had, in fact – as Arthur would later divulge to Merlin – been out getting his hair done, which was not noticeable, because he had it done exactly the same way every Monday morning. It gave him the illusion that he was somehow beyond the effects of time itself.

Nimueh's face was still blotchy from crying and she sniffled a little.

"The school nurse has informed me," he continued seriously, "that it had a particularly unfavourable result on anybody over the age of 30, meaning all of the teachers and staff have fallen ill and are being sent home for the day."

This wasn't entirely true. One of the Grade 11 Biology teachers had not been affected in this manner, as he was only 27 – and for some possibly unrelated reason, the year he started teaching saw a remarkable increase in female students enrolling in Biology courses, which he attributed to his inclusive teaching style – and neither had Mr. Leodegrance, though there was no apparent explanation for that.

"This is an outrage," the Principal added, slamming his fist down on his desk. "I cannot let this school be made into a mockery in this manner. The culprit must be found and punished to the full extent of my magnificent authority."

"Understood," Arthur nodded respectfully.

Merlin just stared down at his shoes, and Nimueh occasionally shook with a silent sob.

***

"Uh, well, look at it this way," Merlin said to Nimueh, trying to be reassuring as they left the principal's office into the deserted school corridors, "at least that English test we were supposed to have this afternoon has been postponed." He knew that Nimueh was in one of his classes, and so he prayed that he had remembered correctly and said the right one.

She flashed him a sad smile, suggesting this was something of a cold comfort to her.

_She must really love her job doing announcements,_ he thought to himself.

Arthur had remained stony-faced until they were quite a ways down the hall and around a corner from his father's office before he let out a loud laugh. "What are the chances?!"

Merlin eyed him like he had gone insane.

"Come on, bro, this is pretty sick!" Arthur grinned. "No school today!" He raised his hand for a high five but was left, tragically, hanging.

"Look, my father knows none of us did it, so we're in the clear," he continued, "might as well just enjoy it."

Nimueh shot him a disdainful glare before turning down a hallway in the opposite direction from the boys. "I'll see you in class tomorrow, _Merlin_ ," she said as way of actively ignoring Arthur's presence.

"Heh," said Merlin awkwardly.

Once they were out of earshot, Arthur said to him, "So, what is up with that?"

"What?"

"You and that Nimueh chick. Are you hitting that?"

Merlin's eyes narrowed with incredulity. "Are you seriously asking me that?"

"What, I dunno what you and Gwen's relationship is like--"

"For the last time, Gwen and I are just friends!"

"Exactly, so, you know, it's a fair question, bro."

"You really are dense sometimes," Merlin replied, shaking his head, then added, "No, all of the time."

"She's not _that_ bad, Merlin," Arthur scoffed. "Yeah, she's a bit...preppy and weepy – not really my type – but you could do worse."

"Uh, thanks?"

Arthur stopped at his locker to get his things, and Merlin instinctually stopped as well.

"I'm just sayin' you should go for it, man. She _wants_ it."

Merlin fixed him a pointed glare and stood with his hand on his hip in an exaggerated stance to make his point _flamboyantly_ clear. "Is this honestly how straight guys talk? Seriously?"

Arthur's actions slowed to a halt. He frowned and looked at him. "Oh."

"Yeah."

"I thought this was just a style," he added, waving his hand in Merlin's general direction. "Whatever. Doesn't matter to me where you stick it, bro."

Merlin grimaced. Arthur noticed this and grinned.

"Cheer up, son," he said, landing his hand on Merlin's shoulder with a heavy thud. "I'm not bothered that you have a huge gay crush on me, really."

"I hate you more than anything in the world," Merlin said flatly, bowing slightly under the weight of Arthur's arm.

***

"How are you feeling today?" asked Merlin as he entered his first period classroom early the next morning, feeling quite relieved that he had managed to convince Arthur that Gregory should really do the Motivational Quote of the Day instead of him.

"Better," Mr. Gaius sighed, "though I'm afraid my nerves are still quite badly shaken."

"Do you have any idea why that...music...caused such a pandemic?" 

"I can't say for sure," the instructor began, "but I have read about a certain type of _Death Metal_ music—" he said the words "Death Metal" slowly and carefully, as if he did not know how to pronounce them, "—which can be quite dangerous to people over a particular age, though the science of it escapes me. It was never really my 'scene' you see, Merlin."

Merlin nodded understandingly. "I can't imagine how it could be anyone's."

Mr. Gaius chuckled to himself as he sorted out his lesson plan for the day. "At least it provided you with an extra day to complete your homework for this class, I trust."

"Heh, yeah, about that--"

The first bell cut him off and students – less eager-to-learn than Merlin, clearly – gradually filled the room. Gwen slid into her seat next to him, beaming.

"Don't let me forget that I have your stuff to return to you," she told him. "It's in my locker, so come by at lunch or something."

"Uh-huh," Merlin replied absent-mindedly as he read her t-shirt. His eyes narrowed. "Aren't you afraid you'll get in trouble for wearing that?"

She looked down at the shirt she was wearing – black with pink cursive lettering that read: 'Will yuri for yaoi' – and shrugged. "None of the teachers'll know what it means."

"No, I mean aren't you afraid that I'll punch you in the eye."

"Releex, it's just a joke," she replied, elbowing him sharply in the side.

" _Releex_? Did you spend the weekend watching _Jake and Amir_ videos again?"

"Yiah, brutha."

"I will punch you in both eyes."

The second bell rang and Nimueh's voice crunched through the classroom speaker, full of her usual confidence, despite the prior day's incident. Gwen, Merlin, and all the students stood as they were told, though the first two kept exchanging glances trying to make the other laugh at the most inopportune moments.

The music started, but once again, someone had switched 'O Canada' for the death metal, and everyone cringed. Except Mr. Gaius who immediately rushed to the lab's eye-washing station to drink from it like a fountain.

Gwen hurried to help him, bringing him her water bottle and assisting him out of the room, while the rest of the students just stared stupidly at one another. The music had stopped, but the damage had already been done.

Several moments later, Arthur's head popped into the classroom. He motioned his for Merlin to follow him and popped back out again. Merlin followed warily. He did a little jog to catch up to him, as he was walking very determinedly down the hall, weaving his way through the students who had come to mill about and discuss politics and stocks or whatever kids discuss these days.

"So, my father's busy puking up his guts right now," Arthur began bluntly, "but he left me some instructions."

"And you need me here because...?" said Merlin, trailing along behind him.

"You're my Vice President, remember?"

***

"I swear I double-checked the disc!" Nimueh burst into tears and threw her arms around Merlin as soon as he and Arthur showed up. "Someone must have switched it when I went to the washroom just before the first bell!" she said – at least that's what Merlin could make out between her sobs.

"Uh, there there," he said unhelpfully. He shot a menacing glance at Arthur as if to say, _Now I know why you brought me._

Meanwhile, Arthur had gone to check if the infamous CD was still in the machine – making sure it was not going to play over the entire PA system first, of course. The familiar, boring old national anthem began to play through the office, and he frowned.

"Could anyone have come by and taken it since it stopped?" he asked Nimueh.

She lifted her head to reply. "I don't know! There was so much confusion, and people coming in and out and running around and throwing up and—" She collapsed into another fit of tears and Arthur sighed.

"I've been instructed to search your bag and locker anyway," he went on, and added quickly when he saw her expression, "—so we can rule you out as a suspect."

Daggers in her eyes – metaphorically speaking, of course – she let go of Merlin to grab her backpack and toss it to Arthur roughly. "Go ahead," she spat, and clung to Merlin once more, this time with her arms around his waist, so that his arms were left hovering at his sides like a chimpanzee.

Merlin saw that Arthur was about to just unzip the bag and dump it onto the table. "Show a bit of respect, maybe!" he snapped at him, but really he just didn't want to look at tampons or whatever other girly stuff was in there.

Arthur stopped and set the bag on the table to dig through it. "At least we know why she's so emotional," he whispered to Merlin, holding up a tampon he found.

Merlin put his hand on Nimueh's head – under the guise of being comforting – to keep her from looking. "Is the CD in there or not?" he said, fed up.

Arthur made one last run through. "No CD in here. Still need to check her locker though."

***

After violating the contents of Nimueh's locker as well, Arthur felt satisfied that she was not the culprit. Merlin offered to walk her home when they were done, mostly because it didn't seem like she was ever going to let go of his arm.

"We're not done yet, Merlin," Arthur told him seriously. "She can leave, but you and I still have some...business."

For a second Merlin thought, _Why is everyone hitting on me today?_ and wondered if he was wearing a particularly provocative plaid shirt. He didn't think plaid was all that provocative.

"Thank you for the offer," Nimueh said to him, "but I think I'll be alright. I just want to put this whole mess behind me."

Before Merlin could even said goodbye, Arthur was whisking him off down the hallway, which was now mostly empty as nearly all the students had trickled out.

"So, like, what's happening now?"

"Well, now I have to search _your_ locker," Arthur explained.

For a second Merlin thought this might be a euphemism, but quickly rid his mind of it. Then he understood. "You think _I_ have the CD?!"

"Of course I don't, you idiot—" Arthur smacked him, "—but I still have to check, officially."

Merlin rubbed his head where he had been smacked. "And what about you? How do we know _you_ didn't do it, officially?" he challenged.

Arthur laughed as they neared their destination. "You can search _my_ locker if you want," he offered jokingly.

The gears in Merlin's mind went into overdrive with various interpretations of that sentence before he tried to shake it clear like an Etch-A-Sketch. Luckily he got sidetracked by the memory that he had left a folder of bass tabs sitting in his locker, which he shouldn't have had at school for any reason besides secret and probably illegal practicing in the storage room.

Arthur stood in front of the locker, waiting for Merlin to open it, which he did very hesitantly. He waited off to one side, eyes shut tight, wondering if he could somehow pass them off as mathematical poetry of some kind.

"Merlin," Arthur said sternly.

Merlin cracked one eye open and looked at him. "What?"

Arthur picked up the folder from a pile at the bottom of the locker and held it up. "You know these lockers have _shelves_ , right? You know, for _putting_ _stuff_ on them. Just a suggestion," he said sarcastically, sticking the folder up on a shelf and shutting the locker door. "Anyway, all clear."

"So...can I go home now?"

"Not quite," replied Arthur as he headed off down the hall, and Merlin hurried after him. "You have first period with Gwen, right?" he asked as what seemed to be a non sequitur.

"Uh, yeah."

"So, did you, like, see her before the first bell?"

Merlin couldn't understand why he would want to know. "Not _before_ it, no, I guess not."

"And what about after the 'music' stopped? I didn't notice her in the classroom when I came by."

"What are you suggesting?"

"Her locker's somewhere down this hall, right?"

"Arthur!" Merlin said seriously. "Why would you think _Gwen_ did this? That's, like, so random!"

Arthur stopped and sighed. "Look, I don't personally think she did, okay, it's just—I was told to check, alright? So, which one is her locker?"

"Why her specifically?" Merlin was bewildered.

Arthur shrugged it off. "I dunno, something about her dad building up a tolerance to the music, so she must listen to it at home or something," he replied casually. "Doesn't really make sense to me, but whatever."

Merlin complied reluctantly, mostly because he figured they could clear Gwen's name and she'd never have to know. He was hesitant to unlock it for Arthur, though, even though he knew the combination, but after Arthur threatened to get the custodian to bring some bolt cutters, he gave in.

"Yikes, and I thought your locker was bad," Arthur said. "At least she uses the shelves, though."

"Can we move this along, please?" Merlin said, looking over his shoulders nervously.

"Well, _somebody_ really likes Chris Pine," Arthur said with a laugh.

"What? No I don't! What?" Merlin snapped.

"I meant Gwen," Arthur replied, gesturing to the photos inside the locker door.

"Oh, right, well, yes."

He looked at Merlin and could tell he still seemed a little confused. "I have a step-sister, remember," he said as explanation.

He spotted a small plastic bag sitting on a shelf at eye level and grabbed it dutifully. He frowned and looked apologetically at Merlin as he pulled out a CD.

"Oh, no!" said Merlin, trying to snatch it from him. "It's not what you think! It's not—"

Arthur held it beyond Merlin's reach. "You know the rules, Merlin, no CDs at school."

"But, she was just—It was just—"

"I don't _enjoy_ doing this sort of thing, you know," he said seriously. "Well, not to Gwen, anyway. Your reaction is pretty amusing, on the other hand."

Merlin was not amused.

"Besides, my father will probably find that this isn't the same CD—"

"It isn't!"

"—and Gwen will be off the hook." He smiled encouragingly.

***

"A week?!" cried Gwen as she sat in the Principal's office with Arthur and Merlin the next day.

"A very mild punishment for the havoc you have wrought, child," the Principal intoned. He held up the CD in question. "This was found in your locker." He set in on the desk in front of her like evidence in a courtroom drama.

"Yes, but this isn't the music that was played!" she argued. "It isn't even death metal!"

" _Crush Luther_?" he replied sceptically, reading the name off the CD. "Sounds like _Death Metal_ to me."

Merlin fidgeted nervously in his seat, so Arthur gave him a kick in the foot to make him stop.

"It's not, I promise!" Gwen pleaded. "You can even listen to it and see. I swear!"

The Principal stood abruptly. "I'm not going to fall for that one!" he bellowed. He motioned for a couple of guys from the hockey team who were standing just outside the door to come in and take Gwen away.

"It's mine!" Merlin blurted to him, also standing. "I just had her hold onto it for me. It's my CD!"

"Shut up, Merlin!" Arthur hissed.

"Is this true?" the Principal asked.

"No, it isn't," Arthur cut in before Merlin could speak, putting an arm around his shoulders condescendingly. "He's just trying to protect her, you know, 'cause he's...in love with her."

"I see..."

"No, I'm not! It's my CD! She's innocent!"

"Don't listen to him; he's crazy...in love..."

The Principal sat down wearily. "I don't have time for this. Keep your Vice President under control, will you?"

_What do these people think_ Vice President _means?_ Merlin thought angrily.

"I am only being this lenient with the girl because of your history with her, Arthur," he continued. "Well, that and Morgana would have a _shit fit_ if I had expelled her like I should have done."

***

Morgana shut her locker loudly to make it perfectly clear she was not happy. "I can't believe you did this to her!"

"It's not _me_ doing anything," said Arthur defensively, "and besides, I managed to get her a reduced sentence."

"You of all people should know that Gwen's not capable of doing anything so hurtful," Morgana replied.

"It's not like I have a say in the matter, okay?"

Merlin stared down at the contents of his locker, not really looking at anything, but just trying to avoid getting involved in the conversation.

"Do you even realize how far behind she's going to fall in her classes from being suspended?" continued Morgana, though Arthur appeared to be ignoring her now. "You know she hates that!"

"Give it a rest, Morgana!" he replied with an exasperated sigh.

"Wait a minute," Merlin cut in. He had just gotten a brilliant idea, though he didn't say anything else. He just closed his locker and hurried off down the hallway. He figured if he went now, the guidance counsellor might still be in his office. He didn't have time to explain.

"Don't think you're off the hook for this one either, Merlin!" Morgana called after him.

***

"I'm sorry, Merlin, but there's nothing I can do about this," Mr. Keil-Guerra said seriously as Merlin sat down in the chair across from him.

Merlin paused before he was fully seated. "But I didn't tell you what I came to talk about."

"You have come to ask me if I can help your friend, Gwen, have you not?"

"Uh..."

"Like I said, there is nothing I can do about this." He folded his hands together on his desk.

"Yeah, but I was just thinking, maybe you could talk to—"

"I'm sorry, I cannot help you, my boy."

"But, just let me expl—"

"Only you can save your friend," he continued, "with Arthur's help, of course."

"Why do you always say that?" Merlin asked, scrunching his face in disgust.

"You and Arthur are but two sides of the same coin," Mr. Keil-Guerra replied, gesturing with his hands as if to suggest this was all the explanation necessary.

"I don't even know what that means—"

The guidance counsellor threw his head back and laughed suddenly, startling Merlin into jerking his shoulders back. The latter waited to see if the former was going to say anything else before awkwardly leaving the office.

***

**[/gwen] That's what she says (6:17PM):**

  * lol why is ur screen name always about arthur? lol



**|Merlin| You put the 'broke' in 'broken-hearted'/ you put the 'Art' in 'retarded' says (6:18PM):**

  * what?
  * no
  * stfu slut



**[/gwen] That's what she says (6:19PM):**

  * so is school like incredibly boring without me?



**|Merlin| You put the 'broke' in 'broken-hearted'/ you put the 'Art' in 'retarded' says (6:19PM):**

  * omg yes
  * morgana hates me for getting you suspended



**[/gwen] That's what she says (6:19PM):**

  * GOOD
  * :P
  * but seriously, this sucks D:



**|Merlin| You put the 'broke' in 'broken-hearted'/ you put the 'Art' in 'retarded' says (6:20PM):**

  * we're going to try and get you out of this
  * i promise



**[/gwen] That's what she says (6:20PM):**

  * we?



**|Merlin| You put the 'broke' in 'broken-hearted'/ you put the 'Art' in 'retarded' says (6:22PM):**

  * yeah
  * me n' arthur
  * though apparently the only reason you're not getting expelled is cause of your "history" with him



**[/gwen] That's what she says (6:23PM):**

  * OH GOD
  * DO NOT WANT



**|Merlin| You put the 'broke' in 'broken-hearted'/ you put the 'Art' in 'retarded' says (6:23PM):**

  * what?



**[/gwen] That's what she says (6:23PM):**

  * he's gonna say I owe him one
  * that stupid peen



**|Merlin| You put the 'broke' in 'broken-hearted'/ you put the 'Art' in 'retarded' says (6:25PM):**

  * ...should i ask?



**[/gwen] That's what she says (6:31PM):**

  * so how's your goldfish doing?
  * archibald (???)



**|Merlin| You put the 'broke' in 'broken-hearted'/ you put the 'Art' in 'retarded' says (6:32PM):**

  * Archimedes
  * he's fine
  * are you fine?



**[/gwen] That's what she says (6:33PM):**

  * BB i'm superfine ;)



**|Merlin| You put the 'broke' in 'broken-hearted'/ you put the 'Art' in 'retarded' says (6:35PM):**

  * way to avoid the issue
  * do you need an internet sympathy hug?



**[/gwen] That's what she says (6:36PM):**

  * GTFO
  * ..yes.
  * but only if it's super awkward and we can't make eye contact afterwards



**|Merlin| You put the 'broke' in 'broken-hearted'/ you put the 'Art' in 'retarded' says (6:37PM):**

  * deal
  * *awkward hug*



**[/gwen] That's what she says (6:38PM):**

  * *awkward hug back with a slight ass-grab*
  * balls! g2g make dinner now. D:



**[/gwen] That's what she 's status is set to Away and may not reply.**

***

**ARTHUR – GET R DONE says (10:42PM):**

  * dude
  * Why is your name thing always about me?
  * Heh



**ARTHUR – GET R DONE says (10:45PM):**

  * Dude?
  * Ur so gay
  * :D



**|Merlin| You put the 'broke' in 'broken-hearted'/ you put the 'Art' in 'retarded' 's status is set to Away and may not reply.**

***

Merlin cursed the nonexistent gods the next morning when, for the third time in four days, the wholly unpleasant sound of 'Death Metal' pre-empted the school's regularly scheduled programming. It would be another three and a half minutes before he realized that this might actually get Gwen off the hook, what with her not even being _at school_ at the time, but all he could think about was how Arthur was going to pop by any minute and drag him along to act as Nimueh's personal teddy bear. No, he didn't even consider how it had caused Mr. Gaius to faint at the front of the room, and how half of the students had rushed up to help.

Sure enough, two and a half minutes later, Arthur popped by to drag him to the office.

***

"What?!" cried Merlin, craning his neck to look over Nimueh's head which was buried in his shoulder once again. "You can't _expel_ Gwen for this! She wasn't even here!"

"Clearly a suspension is not enough to keep her from these evil-doings," the Principal explained calmly but severely after taking a swig from a bright pink bottle of Pepto Bismol.

"That doesn't even make sense—"

"Enough!" He raised his hand to silence him. "The time for discussion has passed. If these youthful follies and high jinks have not ceased by the end of her suspension, she _will_ be expelled. Do I make myself clear?"

"As crystal," Merlin grumbled through clenched teeth.

"Arthur," the Principal snapped at his son, "I trust you will not make contact with this girl once she is expelled. I cannot have the Student Council President consorting with such a deviant."

Arthur's face tensed, but he nodded and kept his mouth shut.

"This isn't fair—" Merlin tried to argue.

"I realize I cannot expect the same of you, seeing as you and Gwen are...intimately involved," the Principal continued, looking pointedly at where Merlin's arm was draped loosely over Nimueh, "in which case you will be stripped of your title as Vice President."

"Just a minute," said Arthur finally, "he's got nothing to do with it!"

Before he could respond, the Principal made some noises like he was about to hurl, so the students fled the office in a hurry.

"So, you realize your dad is insane, right?" Merlin said once they were safely in the hallway.

"He's stubborn, I'll admit..."

"I don't think I can handle any more of this, guys," Nimueh sniffled. "Every time I do the announcements, I'll wonder if someone has rigged it again. I'm about to have a panic attack just thinking about it!"

"Obviously we need to find the actual CD," Merlin concluded, "because this isn't going to stop just by Gwen getting expelled since it wasn't her in the first place!"

"And how are we going to do that?" Arthur asked sceptically. "Search every locker in the entire school? Dude, that would take forever!"

Merlin thought for a moment and looked down the hall both ways from where they were standing. "No, let's think about this for a moment: Whoever's doing it probably wouldn't keep the evidence in their locker, right?"

"I guess not..."

"And, I mean, they probably would keep it somewhere close to the office, right, so they could grab it and switch out the CDs quickly without drawing too much attention," he continued, starting to pace.

"So what, like, some sort of secret compartment somewhere?" Arthur shrugged, as he didn't find this very useful.

"Well, we know it has to be a student who did it, because no staff member would do this to themselves," Merlin said, listing off his fingers, "and the CD has to be kept somewhere that not everyone would have access to, or else someone else could have found it."

"Okay..."

"But most of the places near the office with restricted access are for staff only," he added, feeling somewhat defeated already.

"Well, except the SAC," Arthur said casually, as if it had no bearing on the matter at hand.

The SAC was the Student Activity Centre, or the Social Academia Core, or the Sideways Antelope Combatant – Merlin couldn't quite remember what it stood for, but basically it was a room with a series of storage closets for some of the various student-based councils at the school, like the Arts Council, the Athletics Council, and, of course, the Student Council. Merlin had been told this during his orientation, but due to the unconventional manner in which he was appointed Vice President, he had not been allowed to receive a key for their storage closet yet.

Merlin turned so he was facing Arthur, eyes wide. He grinned and nodded until Arthur was on the same wavelength.

"So you think someone on one of the Councils could have done it?" Arthur asked directly.

"They'd be able to walk around the office without much suspicion," Merlin noted.

"How could I have missed that!" said Nimueh, her eyes brimming with tears once more. "I'm such a failure!"

Merlin flinched as she attacked him with a hug. "Aw, come on now, no one's blaming you," he said, unable to muster as much fake sincerity as before.

Arthur pulled out his keychain and dangled it. "I just so happen to have all the SAC keys," he said proudly. "I'm just that awesome." He whooshed past the others towards the SAC without pausing to notice that Merlin was having difficulty following with Nimueh hanging onto him and dragging her heels.

***

"So, this looks like..."Arthur began as he stood in the doorway of the Student Council storage closet.

"Yep, that's probably it," Merlin agreed, standing next to him.

Sitting on top of a large Tupperware container full of Styrofoam cups and coloured markers, placed centrally in the space so that you'd have to move it or climb over it to access anything, was a CD by a band called Tapeworm Wrist-Cuffs. The cover was black with a leather-looking texture, and the writing on the CD was made to look like the letters had been scratched into someone's back and were bleeding.

Arthur picked it up by one corner between his thumb and forefinger, holding it at arm's length.

"We should get this to the Principal right away," Nimueh suggested eagerly, reaching for the disc.

"I don't think we should do that," replied Arthur, tucking it into his bag before she could snag it. Merlin looked at him inquisitively and he added, "If he thinks Gwen's doing this even while she's not at school, it's not gonna matter to him that she doesn't even have access to this room."

"Oh, I guess—"

"Plus," Arthur continued, "he'd probably think she had an accomplice on the Student Council, like, I don't know, her _pretend boyfriend_?"

"Hey, it was your idea to tell him that!" Merlin said defensively, crossing his arms over his chest. Nimueh looked up at him in a way that made him feel like his virtue was being threatened. "Besides," he went on, "I wasn't even given a key yet!"

"Well, maybe," Arthur whispered harshly to him, as if Nimueh wouldn't be able to hear, "he'll think you had another _friend_ on the Council help you too." He jerked his head towards the girl on the word _friend_.

Merlin frowned and looked between the two of them.

"In that case, you definitely shouldn't hand it in to him," Nimueh said with a nervous laugh and slipped her arm through Merlin's, causing him to lean ever so slightly away from her direction.

"The best thing to do, I think, is just get rid of this before any more damage can be done," Arthur went on, "that way Gwen can come back to school next week and we can forget this ever happened."

"But who _did_ do it?" asked Merlin curiously.

"I bet it was Gregory!" Nimueh blurted without pause. "I mean, I bet he helped whoever did it, without even knowing what he was doing. You know how he is."

Merlin frowned at her sceptically.

"Well, I'm just going to deal with this part," Arthur added, readjusting the bag on his shoulder. "And now I'm going to head out before I have to deal with any more of these shenanigans. Later, bro."

He left the others standing awkwardly in the doorway and headed off down the hall. Nimueh smiled suggestively at Merlin, who shuddered and hurried after him, calling, "Wait up, uh, dude."

***

"So how much do you totally owe me?" Arthur hollered at Gwen, who was waiting by Merlin's locker Tuesday afternoon. He grinned as he approached.

She glared at him.

"What? I totally saved your ass."

"Uh, she's not speaking to you," Morgana said to him condescendingly, stepping in between them. "And neither am I, for that matter."

"If only that were true," he replied, rolling his eyes. "Merlin," he added with a slap on his Vice President's shoulder, "I just came by to give you this."

Merlin looked up from stuffing his bag and saw a key dangling in front of him. "What's this?" he asked gruffly, not really in the mood for Arthur's pranks at the moment.

"It's your key to the SAC."

He took the key warily and said, "Great, I guess."

Arthur then brandished a stack of sticker labels and a sharpie and handed them over to a bemused Merlin. "It's going to be your job to sort, label, and inventory all our stuff," he added cheerfully.

"I'm not speaking to you either," Merlin replied bluntly.

"You don't have to, bro; the expression on your face is all the thanks I need." He raised his arms, grinning as he backed away, and shrugged before turning right around and continuing down the hall.

Merlin faced the girls and added, "What a douchebus."

They turned on him. "We're not speaking to _you_ either."


	4. The Poisoned Cupcake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camelot C.V.I. and rival high school, Mercia Heights, have come together to form an Inter-School Student Council, but a cupcake tainted with almond extract threatens to destroy the new union.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a short one this time.

_Don't stop, make it pop_  
DJ, blow my speakers up  
Tonight, I'mma fight  
'Til we see the sunlight  
Tick tock on the clock  
But the party don't stop, no  
Oh whoa wha-oh, oh whoa wha-oh

Arthur smacked his hand onto the dresser next to his bed and flailed it around until he managed to get ahold of his cell phone. He held it in front of his half-asleep face and squinted through the darkness at the little LCD screen, which burned into his retinas. He pushed a bunch of buttons before hitting the one to silence it. While he was grateful that he had been allowed to keep that ringtune – his father didn't even consider it to be music – it was a little irritating first thing in the morning.

Once his eyes had adjusted to the dimness of the room, he looked at his phone once again. He had gotten a text from Morgana: “ _Have you seen my philosophy textbook? It's not on my desk where I left it. PS. I hate you.”_

Arthur groaned and sat up begrudgingly. "How should I know?" he grumbled to himself. He rubbed his head, which was pounding like a cake (...you know, like a pound cake...) and looked at the time.

 _Of course_ , he thought, _I had to sleep in today of all days._ He briefly wondered why his father hadn't made sure he was awake, but figured he was quite busy with preparations himself.

He made quick work of texting back, _“Have you checked up your ass? PS. Go die in a fire,”_ before motivating himself out of bed to get showered and dressed. Before he could get to the door of his room, however, there was a knock and soon Morgana was facing him with an icy stare.

"What do you want?"

"Did you just wake up?" she asked, wrinkling her nose in disapproval.

Arthur grunted and rubbed his eye as he pushed past her.

"Aren't you supposed to be at school early today to set up for the Mercia Heights thing?" she continued following him down the hall. "Not that I care what you do."

"Thanks, Morgana," he replied, stepping into the washroom, "your concern is always appreciated." He smiled grimly and shut the door before she could respond.

***

The bell for the end of lunch was just ringing as Arthur made his way forcefully down the Tech Hall towards his Vice President's locker.

"...not that red _isn't_ your colour," he heard Gwen say as she adjusted the red scarf Merlin was wearing, "I just meant that the blue one was also nice and—"

"No, Gwen," Merlin replied with as straight a face as he could muster, "I think you just insulted me and I'm never speaking to you again."

They didn't notice Arthur heading right for them and nearly got toppled when he stopped abruptly in front of them. "Honestly, you guys, get a room," he scoffed.

"Wow, you look rough today," Merlin remarked, quirking an eyebrow at him.

"Thanks, Merlin, you look good too," Arthur replied, shaking his head in incredulity.

"Did you wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy?" Gwen said as seriously as she could without laughing—which she did anyway.

His eyes flashed with guilt and fear. "What? How did you know—"

"What?"

"What?"

"It was a joke," she explained meekly.

"Um, yes, right," he said and then turned to Merlin, "come on, let's go."

Merlin frowned. "Go where, exactly?"

"We need to set up for the banquet thing in Gym 1," Arthur said quickly, grabbing Merlin's scarf to drag him along.

"I think this is abuse," Merlin argued, wrenching himself free so he could follow at his own pace. "Besides," he added finally, "I wasn't even aware I was supposed to help set up for this."

"Of course you're supposed to," Arthur replied matter-of-factly, "you're my Vice President."

"I'm _the_ Vice President," Merlin corrected, "not _your_ Vice President."

"Same difference."

"As adorable as your bickering is," Gwen cut in, as she had followed them down the length of the hallway, "I have to get to class, so—"

"Oh, I didn't even notice you were still here," said Arthur with a shrug. "Later, then."

Gwen appeared wholly unimpressed and Merlin stifled a laugh at her expression before she headed off in the opposite direction from them.

"Your girlfriend doesn't seem to like me too much, bro" Arthur remarked as they kept walking.

"She's not my girlfriend," Merlin replied quickly, "and didn't you two used to be friends or something?"

"Something, I guess. That was like a million years ago."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Everyone here is so weird."

"You're one to talk," Arthur scoffed. "Like what is this gay-ass t-shirt you're wearing? ' _My Best Friend Daniel_?' Who the fuck is Daniel?"

"It's a Lovely Feathers t-shirt—"

"I don't even know what that means—"

"It's a band!"

"Don't let my father find out, dude," Arthur said seriously as they were closing in on Gym 1. "I'm sure he wouldn't approve."

"I'll just say it's about the artist Daniel Buren or some shit like that."

"Shouldn't it be striped, then?"

Merlin stopped in the doorway. "How the hell do you know who Daniel Bur—"

Arthur ignored him and kept walking into the center of the gymnasium where students were setting up tables in two parallel rows. "Isn't this a bit formal, guys?" he asked loudly, to no one in particular.

"It's, uh, what the Principal asked for," said one student timidly, avoiding eye contact. "Uh, Sir," he added uncertainly before continuing about his business.

 _Fucking bootlicker_ , Arthur thought to himself. He turned to see his Vice President was still standing at the doorway to the gym, gobsmacked. "Are you just going to stand there _all_ day?"

Merlin snapped out of his daze from looking around the lavishly decorated room and headed towards him. "Sorry, I just wasn't expecting this to be...such a big deal."

"Considering the rivalry that's been going on between us and Mercia Heights since before I was _born_ ," Arthur began to explain, "I'd say this whole inter-school Student Council thing is a pretty big deal."

"It's a couple of high schools, not warring kingdoms or anything," Merlin scoffed as he prodded the padding on one of the dining chairs. "And isn't this all a bit much?" He looked up to see three large trays of food get wheeled in. "Is that an entire roast pig?!"

"Of course not, don't be stupid," replied Arthur. "It's five roast turkeys stuck together to look like a pig. It _is_ Thanksgiving this weekend, after all."

Merlin's eye twitched. "You do know I'm a vegetarian, right?"

"Really? Cause I thought you _ate meat_ , so to speak."

He frowned in confusion and looked at Arthur who was grinning wickedly at him. "What?"

"You know...cause you're a gay."

"And why exactly would I— OH MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT!" Merlin recoiled in disgust.

Arthur chose to ignore this and continued, walking towards the small stage in the gymnasium, which had been closed off as a preparation area for the event. "Come on, you need to get ready."

***

"You have got to be joking," said Merlin. "I am not wearing that!"

"It's the official uniform of the Vice President," Arthur told him seriously, holding up a dusty jacket and hat.

Merlin looked around the stage/preparation area. "But no one else has to wear a uniform," he whined.

"That's right."

"So only I have to wear a uniform?"

"That's right."

"That doesn't even make sen—"

"Come on, guy, we don't have all day," Arthur said impatiently, thrusting the garments in his Vice President's direction.

***

"Oh, Merlin, love the hat!"

Merlin stopped following Arthur to the table and turned to see Nimueh smiling at him. He quickly removed the hat and ran a hand through his hair. "It's this stupid Vice President's uniform thing I have to wear because Arthur's a douche—"

"I can hear you, you know," said Arthur, not even bothering to face him.

"Really? I didn't think you could hear anything over the sound of your own ego," Merlin replied.

"I'm just full of surprises, Merlin. Now sit down." Arthur pulled out a chair for his Vice President, who did not seem very enthused about the whole thing.

Reluctantly, Merlin did as he was told.

Just as Nimueh was about to take her seat next to him, she bolted straight upwards in surprise. "Oh, my phone!" she laughed. "It always startles me when I leave it on vibrate." She smiled politely to excuse herself and took a step back from the table so she could read the text she had received.

"You'd think she'd be used to that setting, amirite?" Arthur said to Merlin, nudging him with his elbow.

"Why are you so disgusting?" Merlin replied.

“Chill out, dude. Also, put your hat back on. It reflects badly on me if you don’t follow procedure.”

Merlin did as he was told, then thought for a moment. “Wait, how is there even a procedure for this sort of event? Does your father often hold extravagant banquets for reconciliation with feuding high schools?”

“Yes.”

“I...don’t know what to say to that.”

Nimueh returned to the table, visibly flustered. She tapped Merlin on the shoulder and whispered, “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Confused, he followed her out to the hallway as the banquet was getting ready to begin.

“What’s up?” he said awkwardly, folding his arms across his chest and rocking back and forth on his heels. He suddenly realized he was still wearing the ridiculous hat and snatched it off his head.

“I have a friend at Mercia,” Nimueh began, “who’s in the Food and Nutrition class – they’re the ones who made the cupcakes—”

“The ones with each individual person’s name written in icing on the top?”

“Yes, those ones. My friend just told me that she saw Matt Bayard, their Student Council President, put almond extract in some of the icing, even though they were specifically told that there would be nut allergies.”

“Oh. Wow. Thanks for the heads up,” Merlin said seriously. “I’m glad you remembered I was allergic, but we should probably let Arthur know, because I think he’s allergic as well—”

“See, that’s the thing...” Nimueh continued with hesitation. “From what my friend could tell, the almond icing was only put on Arthur’s cupcake.”

“What?”

“I know, right! What do you think this means?”

“I guess it means...someone at Mercia wants to send Arthur to the hospital!”

***

“WAIT! DON’T EAT THAT CUPCAKE!” Merlin exclaimed, bursting back into the gymnasium where the banquet was taking place.

A chubby girl by the buffet table was about to stuff her face with a cupcake labelled JEFF and froze in terror from being caught red-handed. “Jeff’s my middle name!” she blurted, and then shoved the entirety of it in her mouth before running off.

“What? No, I wasn’t talking to her, I meant you, Arthur,” Merlin continued, pointing at his Student Council President.

“I’m not eating a cupcake, bro,” he replied, holding up a turkey leg.

“Oh, right, well, I mean, when you are going to eat your cupcake – the one with your name on it – uh, don’t.”

“Are you calling me fat?”

“No, your cupcake has been poisoned!”

The room gasped.

“Well, not _poisoned_ but almonded, really—”

“ENOUGH,” Principal Pendragon bellowed, rising from his seat at the end of the long banquet table.

“Quit your babbling, Merlin, and _sit down_!” Arthur hissed at him before his father could bellow any more.

“I’m not joking,” Merlin continued, ignoring all warnings. “There’s almond extract in the icing on Arthur’s cupcake. Nimueh told me tha—” He stopped at look back at the door where he had come in, with no sign of Nimueh around. “Well, see, she has a friend in the cooking class who told her that Matt Bayard put—”

“I don’t want to hear it anymore!” Principal Pendragon continued, raising his hand to silence the hubbub of the room. “This is a very serious accusation, young man. Do you have any proof?”

Merlin looked around the room frantically, searching for something to use as evidence. He picked up the cupcake with Arthur’s name on it. “Look, I’m allergic to nuts as well—”

“That’s not what I hear!” shouted some d-bag from the back of the room.

“—so if I’m right, then I’ll have an allergic reaction if I eat this,” Merlin continued, unfazed.

“Merlin, don’t!” said Arthur as he rose from his seat quickly.

“My Epi Pen is in my backpack,” Merlin continued. “It’s fine.”

Arthur tried to stop him from taking a bite, but he was too late.

Merlin chewed and swallowed his first bite, then smacked his lips together. “I think it’s fine…”

“In that case,” said the Principal, “you’re suspended for trying to stir up controversy between—”

Merlin frowned. “Oh no, my tongue’s getting itchy.” He started to cough.

“Quick, somebody get his Epi Pen!” Arthur shouted at the people who were now gawking. “Where’s your backpack, Merlin?”

“It’s… It’s in my locker,” Merlin replied with a sense of dread when he realized Arthur had dragged him away so quickly that morning that he’d forgotten it.

“Someone call an ambulance,” Arthur commanded. “I’ll get his Epi.” He dashed towards the gymnasium exit, nearly bumping into Nimueh on his way out.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

“Merlin is having an allergic reaction and I have to get his Epi Pen!” Arthur said as he continued past her.

“I’ll come with you,” she offered, jogging a little to keep up with him.

They got to Merlin’s locker when Arthur realized he didn’t know the combination for the lock, but he did know Morgana’s—and he knew there was a hole between the two lockers where he could reach the backpack.

Nimueh grabbed the bag from him as soon as he pulled it out and started searching through it. “Nothing,” she said in a worried tone. “It’s not in here!”

“It must have fallen out. Damn! I can’t reach the bottom of the locker, either. We’ll have to go get my Epi. It’s in my locker.”

She followed Arthur to his locker where he retrieved his Epi Pen. “I’ll take it,” she said, and he handed it to her as they rushed towards the gymnasium.

She stopped on the way, however, to remove the pen from it’s case, and proceeded to smash it over the nearest trash can.

“What are you doing?” Arthur cried.

“I was supposed to be Vice President,” she said calmly. “But instead I got _Communications_. Ugh.”

“Wait, _you_ did this? On purpose?”

“With Merlin out of the picture, I can finally take my rightful place on Student Council.”

“Not if I stop you!”

“Well, here are your options: You can go back to the Gym and tell everyone what you think I did, and Merlin may _die_ , or you can go to the nurse’s office and get more epinephrine for him while I go explain to everyone that you set this all up to frame Bayard so that he couldn’t compete against you at the hockey game next week.”

Arthur scowled but knew what he had to do. “I’m not done with you!” he said as he ran off in the direction of the nurse’s office.

It was locked after school, however, and he had no way of getting in, not without breaking in somehow. So he decided to text his step-sister.

 _“Are you still at school?”_ he asked, knowing that she had a theatre rehearsal after class, which would be ending about now.

 _“I’m just about to leave,_ ” she replied.

_“Get to the nurse’s office, now. It’s for Merlin.”_

_“Is he okay?”_

_“Just get here!”_

Morgana appeared several minutes later, looking worried. “What’s going on?”

“I need to get an Epi Pen for Merlin!”

“Can’t you just give him yours?”

“Nimueh broke mine. It’s a long story. Just, can you break in here for me?”

“Oh, that’s why you called me up here.” She pulled a bobby pin out of her hair and proceeded to pick at the lock on the door until she managed to get it open. “You owe me.”

“Fine, if Merlin lives, you can have whatever you want,” he said, hurrying inside to look for the epinephrine.

“Why are you so concerned about Merlin all of a sudden?”

“Because he’s a human being and he might die, Morgana. I’d do this for anybody!”

“I dunno, it seems kind of personal. You could have sent someone else to get an Epi, but you chose to go yourself.”

“He’s my Vice President—”

“I think you mean he’s your friend.”

“I don’t have time for this,” he said as he dashed out of the office with an Epi Pen in hand. Morgana followed quickly behind.

Everyone turned to look at Arthur as he came barrelling back into the gymnasium, but he ignored them all and headed straight for Merlin, who was doubled over in a chair.

“Move!” he shouted to the people standing around so he could get in closer. Once he reached Merlin, he took the cap off the Epi Pen and jabbed it straight into his Vice President’s thigh.

“Explain yourself,” his father, the Principal, said loudly, standing up from his seat again.

“It was Nimueh,” Arthur replied, out of breath from rushing around.

“Yes, she’s already explained to me how you coerced her to help you trick Merlin into eating that cupcake so you could frame Mercier and not have to face them next week. Are you really so cowardly?”

“I’m not! I didn’t! That’s not what happened!”

“I’ve had enough, Arthur! You are suspended until further notice—”

“But, father, please—”

“I am your principal! You will not argue with me. Now get out of my sight,” said the Principal.

“At least let me wait for the ambulance to arrive for Merlin,” Arthur insisted.

“You’ve done quite enough for today. Out!”

Arthur reluctantly made his way out of the gymnasium and towards his locker to collect his things before heading home. He could hear the ambulance sirens approaching, so at least he knew Merlin would be getting help soon.

***

**ARTHUR says (10:35PM):**

  * Dude
  * ur online



**|Merlin| When it’s wrong it’s right and it’s wrong tonight | says (10:06PM):**

  * yes



**ARHTUR says (10:36PM):**

  * Are u ok?
  * how was the hospital?



**|Merlin| When it’s wrong it’s right and it’s wrong tonight | says (10:38PM):**

  * fine
  * I’m fine



**ARTHUR says (10:38PM):**

  * I’m so pissed at nimway
  * and my dad



**|Merlin| When it’s wrong it’s right and it’s wrong tonight | says (10:38PM):**

  * you mean Nimueh?



**ARTHUR says (10:39PM):**

  * whatever
  * she destroyed my epi pen so I couldn’t give it to you
  * she wanted you out of the picture



**|Merlin| When it’s wrong it’s right and it’s wrong tonight | says (10:40PM):**

  * are you sure she didn’t want you out of the picture?
  * you are suspended after all



**ARTHUR says (10:41PM):**

  * either way we need to stop her
  * I had a thought



**|Merlin| When it’s wrong it’s right and it’s wrong tonight | says (10:41PM):**

  * there’s a first time for everything



**ARTHUR says (10:41PM):**

  * shut up and listen



**ARTHUR says (10:42PM):**

  * I’ve been thinking about that cd we found at the sac
  * and now that I know Nimueh was trying to rise through the ranks of student council I also realize that she had most motive and opportunity to play that cd over morning announcements
  * and she was probably trying to frame one of us by leaving it in the sac



**|Merlin| When it’s wrong it’s right and it’s wrong tonight | says (10:43PM):**

  * your probably right
  * so wat do we do?



**ARTHUR says (10:43PM):**

  * I have an idea



***

**ARTHUR says (4:19PM):**

  * how did it go?



**|Merlin| The best time I’ve ever had/Waiting around for something bad | says (4:24PM):**

  * sorry
  * I was in the bathroom



**ARTHUR says (4:24PM):**

  * TMI



**|Merlin| The best time I’ve ever had/Waiting around for something bad | says (4:25PM):**

  * okay well it went pretty good
  * I planted the cd in Nimueh’s bag like you said
  * apparently it fell out in one of her classes and the teacher sent her to the principal’s office



**|Merlin| The best time I’ve ever had/Waiting around for something bad | says (4:26PM):**

  * they searched her bag and found almond extract as well
  * idk what happened exactly but she got expelled



**ARTHUR says (4:26PM):**

  * good



**|Merlin| The best time I’ve ever had/Waiting around for something bad | says (4:27PM):**

  * I hope this means your suspension’s been lifted



**ARTHUR says (4:28PM):**

  * I’ll find out soon enough…



***

“Arthur!” said Merlin as he saw the Student Council President coming down the hall towards him at his locker. “You’re back!”

Arthur smirked. “Aw, did you miss me?”

“What? No, I… I just… I mean, you saved my life and then got suspended for it—that was messed up.”

“Well, it’s all fine now,” he added, slapping Merlin on the shoulder. “Apparently my father is willing to believe my word over Nimueh’s now that he knows she’s a liar.”

“Merlin!” Gwen called out, rushing down the hallway to meet him. “I heard what happened to you! I’m so glad you’re alright!” She threw her arms around his neck and planted a kiss on his cheek.

“Didn’t you see him yesterday?” Arthur asked, raising an eyebrow at this display of affection.

“I was on a Biology field trip,” she explained. “But I heard he’d gone to the hospital, and I was so worried.”

“He’s fine; it’s me you should have been worried about,” he said. “I’m the one who was suspended for a whole day.” He opened his arms for her to hug him as well but she just gave him a look of disgust, which made Merlin laugh.

“Fine, come with me, Merlin,” he added, giving the boy a shove forwards.

“Why?” Merlin asked once he’d regained his balance and started walking.

“Because you’re my Vice President, that’s why.”


End file.
